Republican Scott Brown’s carefully laid plan to vex the entire state of Massachusetts with his good looks in order to secure a Senate seat, a scheme first concocted back in 1982 with the help of some Cosmopolitan editors and his own washboard abs, is now only 24 hours away from its steamy execution. Though Washington Post religion writer Sally Quinn, a modern day Cassandra if there ever was one, was ignored by Fox News host Bill O’Reilly when she tried to raise the alarm on national television, there remains hope that Massachusetts voters will break out of their hypnosis before they head to the polls today.
Should Brown win, it would only be the third time in American history that a candidate for national office was elected purely on the basis of a magazine feature on his impossibly attractive badonkadonk. (For trivia buffs — Taft and Lincoln.)
If you live in Massachusetts and want to preserve your freedom to vote for someone other than Scott Brown today, avert your eyes now.
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