Last night’s Super Bowl was high on drama, history, action, and relatively underwhelming commercials – some of which managed to make particularly galling use of your tax money. A handful stood out to us, though, and some even warmed our hearts even more than this photo did here at the still very much snow-drenched Daily Caller office. These are their stories.
#1. Parisian Love – Google
Props to Google for releasing a Super Bowl ad that’s understandable even with loud music and talking going on, even if it does require viewers to squint to see the miniscule text. But even more props to Google for finding several AutoComplete search results that are appropriate for viewing on live television.
A little background: In a misguided effort to make searching more convenient for its users, Google actually suggests search results for you in real-time as you’re entering your search terms. The kicker, of course, is that the suggestions are based on what other users have been searching for recently.
By way of example, try typing in “Why is there” into Google without executing a search, and marvel at what Google thinks you might be interested in asking (Answer: “Why is there a dead Pakistani on my couch?”). Or try typing “Why can’t” — Google’s nice enough to complete your sentence with, “Why can’t I own a Canadian?”
Now that’s a romantic question. Search On.
#2. Snapshot of America – The U.S. Census Bureau
Angering feminist groups is one thing, but pushing Hitler’s buttons is quite another. The U.S. Census Bureau did just that when it managed to drop $2.5 million dollars on this 30-second spot, which has drawn an “F” rating from virtually everyone with an A-F rating system (including the Kellogg School of Management).
And the USA Today ad-meter, a doohickey that works, ranked the spot 52nd out of 63 ads that ran during the big game.
“Is the U.S. Census’s biggest problem making sure that fans of ironic indie movies don’t ignore the Census?” asked Time Magazine, referring to ‘Spinal Tap’ director Christopher Guest’s role in the proceedings.
The Bureau is claiming the ad is so bad it’s good and that the controversy will motivate millions to learn more about the census.
Didn’t we promise you Hitler? We promised you Hitler.
#3. The Tebow ad that somehow upset feminist groups – Focus on the Family
In the weeks leading up the historic Super Bowl, women’s groups — most notably the National Organization of Women (which makes for a convenient ACRONYM) — were more than a little upset. They’d heard CBS had approved a ‘pro-life’ ad for airing and took to the airwaves and the Internet to decry what they perceived as its agenda to disempower women by ‘creating a climate’ conducive to overturning Roe v. Wade.
Aside from the unlikelihood that the Supreme Court is very much influenced by 30-second Super Bowl ads when it considers whether to overturn decades of law, there’s a bigger problem with NOW’s argument that almost a hundred million people saw plainly last night: the commercial makes no mention of anything other than vaguely ‘celebrating life’ and ’staying strong.’
The incident, many argue, hasn’t exactly done much to convince anyone that NOW is a pro-choice organization, instead of a buzzkilling, intolerant one. NOW, of course, things could’ve been worse (see what we did there?) for feminists in the PR department. They could’ve aired this in response:
#4. Denny’s Grand Slam Clucking – Denny’s
This mostly unremarkable ad from the entirely unremarkable family restaurant chain does get one very important detail right: the government’s always the last to know what’s going on. Zing!
And you thought we meant the silent clucking chicken in space.
#5. Whale of a Tale – Bridgestone
Whoever put together this clever little ad for Bridgestone has a sense of comedic timing that’s unfortunately absent from whoever put together this not-so-clever online description of the ad, which reads more like a half-drunken monologue delivered by a Bridgestone rep when asked after the game to describe the thing:
“Three young men are on an adrenaline-packed drive toward the coast,” Bridgestone’s blurb begins. “Nothing too unusual about it, unless you consider having a live killer whale as the fourth passenger unusual. Yes, that’s right a killer whale, in the car with them Hard to say where they’re going. Harder still to say where they’ve been. But this fish-out-of-water story is sure to end with a splash.”
One wonders what the movie The Hangover would’ve been like if this poor rep had been in charge of writing the trailer.
“Four young men are out on an adrenaline-filled bachelor party in Las Vegas. Nothing too unusual about it, unless you consider getting punched by Mike Tyson and stealing his tiger unusual. Yes, that’s right, Mike Tyson and his tiger. Hard to say where they’re going. Harder to say where they’ve been. But this bros-in-Vegas story is sure to end with a stereotypically gay Asian villain revealing a crucial case of mistaken identity.”
Speaking of hangovers, congratulations, Saints fans. You earned it.
Man’s Last Stand – Dodge
Stranded – Budweiser