1.) Punxsutawney Obama sees no shadow, declares end to long winter of avoiding the press — President Barack Obama made a surprise appearance at yesterday’s White House press briefing, surprising reporters who braved D.C.’s abysmal weather to hang out with Robert Gibbs. “Bipartisanship can’t be that I agree to all the things that they believe in or want and they agree to none of the things that I want,” the president said, his head still reeling from a meeting with congressional leaders, a few of whom honestly believe that the above is “in the dictionary.” The Daily Caller’s Jon Ward said the president’s move and the ensuing response–Republicans rolled their eyes, telling reporters, “We’ve heard this tune before”–signals a return to the kind of nasty partisanship that Americans aren’t sure they understand and don’t really love or hate.
2.) NYT denies possessing Paterson ‘bombshell‘ — Three days after a supposed expose in the New York Times was to force the resignation of NY Gov. David Paterson, the Empire State’s least-loved Democrat is still in office, and the New York Times is denying that its story is anything more than a profile. Republican Rick Lazio–a potential Paterson rival for governor–“has called for the article no one knows exists to be published or for The Times to say it doesn’t exist, all to clear the good name of the governor and end ‘the psychological warfare’ against him,” according to the New York Times, which has no idea what the hell everyone is going on about. After a 90-minute sit-down interview with the NYT on Tuesday, Paterson said that the rumors of drug use and strange-woman-nuzzling didn’t even come up. The cadre of New York reporters who gave legs to the nonexistent story aren’t talking.
3.) Poll finds Americans split on which party best suited to strip, fence copper from dilapidated American economy — “Asked how they would vote in the November House elections,” the Washington Post reports, “Americans split evenly — 46 percent siding with the Democrats, 46 percent with the Republicans. As recently as four months ago, Democrats held a 51 to 39 percent advantage on this question.” Seven in 10 people polled said they were looking for a new Congressional representative, possibly at Big Lots, where great deals happen every day.
4.) Down in Florida, Delmar done spent all the money — Underneath all the buzz about a Charlie Crist-Marco Rubio tanning-oil-infused death match is a dark truth: The Republican Party of Florida is having money and accountability problems not unlike those it’s campaigning against at the federal level. The culprit? Delmar Woodrow Johnson III, executive director of the Florida Republican Party and all-around nice guy (“If you don’t love Delmar, you don’t love life,” Crist once said of the fella). Originally a Crist aide, Delmar was promoted to watchdog for Jim Greer, the party chair who had a bad habit of going off-message. But the two grew close, and the 30-year-old Johnson found himself promoted yet again and drawing a $400,000 annual salary.
5.) BREAKING: ‘Chinese people have no human rights’ — Xue Mingkai, “a 20-year-old factory worker who joined a banned political party because he was unhappy with one-party rule,” was sentenced to 18 months in prison for opening his big mouth. While the ruling Communist Party isn’t the only party in China, the country’s sanctioned parties are incredibly small and are allowed to exist only “as advisers to, rather than competitors with,” the ruling party. According to the AP, “Xue’s lawyers argued their client was not guilty because becoming a member of a political party did not amount to subversion.”
6.) Obama finally OK with banker bonuses — Despite talking a big game in his State of the Union, Pres. Obama said in an interview with Bloomberg News that he has no problem with the multimillion-dollar bonuses that went to the CEOs of Goldman Sachs Group Inc. and JPMorgan Chase & Co. “I know both those guys; they are very savvy businessmen,” Obama said. “I, like most of the American people, don’t begrudge people success or wealth. That is part of the free-market system.” The president then turned his sites on pro sports, saying “There are some baseball players who are making more than that and don’t get to the World Series either, so I’m shocked by that as well.”