Memo to Republican candidates for federal office

T. Boone Pickens was famous for saying that buying oil from other countries is a “transfer of wealth”. No it’s not. It’s giving a bargained-for price for a good in return. Just like buying a shirt at the mall. That’s commerce. Giving up large percentages of your income to support the excesses of previous generations, without any hope of ever seeing a return on that “investment” (aren’t politicians fond of that word) is a transfer of wealth. But even that term softens the real meaning. When you’re mugged, you’re subjected to a “transfer of wealth”. But what really happened is you got ROBBED.

Paint these politicians as thieves. Stealing directly from you to support a more politically important constituency. Tell us the truth: “They think you’re too enthralled by updating your status to see what they are doing to you”.

We have reason to be outraged. We just need a little prompting. It would help greatly if you’d relate to us. In fact, we even might like you.

On that topic…

4. Don’t assume you impress us, because you probably don’t.

Re-think your wardrobe, particularly if you are a male under 50. Don’t wear a Brooks Brother suit when you talk to us. It makes you look suspicious in a Mitch McConnell kind of way, or it makes you look like a poser. (If you aren’t familiar with that term, consider dropping out of the race immediately). If your sartorial sensibilities prevent you from dressing casual, then at least wear your Nantucket Reds and a navy blazer. At least then you’ll remind us of the cool frat guy in college with two middle names and a suffix who carted us to keggers in his Land Rover. (In fact, chances are you were that guy.)

5. Focus on our pocketbook and keep it relevant.

While we’re at it, let’s drop the talk about social issues. All that does is offend the basic libertarian nature of this crowd. If they aren’t gay, they have gay friends and roommates. They may not agree with it, but they also don’t think they’re friends should be “outlawed”. They also know people who smoke pot, and are ok with it. So be intellectually honest and say those are state issues, just like health care regulation oughta be, and leave it at that.

You won’t win many votes dwelling on those issues, but you will if you drive home the point that they are forking over money to support consumerist excess (other than their own, of course). Running a campaign based on outlawing gay rights or abortion at this time in history is a little like showing up to your grandmother’s funeral in shorts and flip flops: it’s amateurish and doesn’t rise to the moment.

When speaking to us, do not, whatever you do, begin talking about committees on which you’ve served, procedural votes you’ve taken, or anything that isn’t easily understood in 140 characters or less. Because if it isn’t understood in Twitterform, eyes will glaze. It’s not evidence of our stupidity, its evidence that we’re busy building a life and can quickly determine what’s important and tune the rest out.

Will those over 45 or 50 be offended? Likely not. After all, all you’re doing is repeating what they’ve been saying about “leaving the bill to our grandchildren”. Well, that’s us, and those of us who aren’t livid should be.

Kevin Dillard is an attorney and a government relations professional for a national health care organization based in St. Louis.