DC Trawler

If you think your life stinks, at least you’re not Helen Thomas

Q: Why did Helen Thomas cross the road? A: Because it had just been invented.Unless you are Helen Thomas. Oh, you are? Hi, Helen! In that case, I don’t need to tell you that this is your worst Monday morning since you first heard “Let there be light.”

As you know, Helen, last Friday the video of you telling the Jews to “get the hell out of Palestine (sic) and go back to Germany” went viral. Now, all of a sudden, everybody’s making a big deal about your anti-semitism. Like it’s something new! As the Daily Caller’s Amanda Carey notes:

Thomas is – and this was not as well known to the public until recently – a passionate and often angry hater of Israel, whose venom on the subject of Zionism and the Jewish State bubbles to the surface with alarming frequency. Consider her remarks at the White House briefing just the other day, when she called the recent Gaza flotilla raid a “deliberate massacre and international crime.”

In April 2002, Thomas began a question to then-press secretary Ari Fleischer this way: “Does the president think that the Palestinians have a right to resist 35 years of brutal military occupation and suppression?” Fleischer is now leading the calls for Thomas’ ousting from the White House Press Corps.

Four years later, Fleischer’s successor, the late Tony Snow, responded to an especially pungent rant from Thomas on the Middle East by thanking her “for the Hezbollah view.”

Yeah, but that’s coming from right-wing neocon warmongers. We both know whose side they’re on, right, Helen? It just isn’t, ahem, kosher to say it out loud. Ixnay on the Oozejay! But that’s the only way to explain why traitors like Lanny Davis, Joe Klein, and Craig Crawford are now turning their backs on you. Why, the Zionists even forced your agents, Nine Speakers, Inc., to drop you. Which I guess isn’t such a surprise. After all, what’s the first thing you think of when you hear “talent agent”? Hint: It rhymes with “shoe”!

Look on the bright side, though, Helen. You’ve still got a few people who are sticking up for you, or at least aren’t piling on. Here’s a quick sampling from Twitter over the weekend:

ABC’S Jake Tapper: “For those asking, it’s not my role to ‘condemn’ comments, whether by pols or reporters. and if i do it for one person, it opens a door. Thx”

Salon’s Mike Madden: “Having a tough time actually caring about Helen Thomas’s dopey comments about where Jews should live.”

Filmation’s Oliver Willis: “lanny davis making the rounds to attack helen thomas. from puma to the right’s favorite ‘liberal’ do-boy. interesting.”

Germany’s Adolf88: “Let ‘em know, Mädchen! What what!”

I made up that last one, probably.

A lot of people are calling for you to be fired, Helen, but I’m not one of them. I think you should keep on sitting in the front row. Just do what you do. My only advice would be: Why hide it anymore? Why keep cloaking your Jew-hate in loaded questions about Gaza and Afghanistan? Just come right out with it and ask Robert Gibbs: “Why is the White House still in the pocket of the global Jew conspiracy?” And then you’ll know for sure: anybody who complains is one of them.

P.S. Politico:

During Monday’s White House Press Briefing, Robert Gibbs was asked to react to Helen Thomas’ controversial remarks on the Middle East:

“Those remarks are offensive and reprehensible.”

More like Robert Gibbstein, eh, Helen?

P.P.S. “Rabbi Who Filmed Helen Thomas Says More Video Is Coming”

P.P.P.S. Mike Allen tweets:

BULLETIN — Hearst Newspapers: “Helen Thomas announced Monday that she is retiring, effective immediately. ‘I deeply regret my comments’”

“…were caught on camera.”