Three months to go before the midterm elections and the conservative airwaves abound with optimism. If it’s “all about the economy, stupid,” that explains why the Democrats are circling the wagons. Still, I’m not nearly as sanguine as the conservative talk-show hosts that a critical mass of American voters will connect the dots, and therefore make no predictions about the outcome. I do predict, however, even as the campaign speeches become increasingly strident, that you won’t hear the following from America’s Liberal elites anytime soon:
Senator Chris Dodd: It’s time to apply the oversight principles of the Dodd-Frank Wall Street Reform and Consumer Protection Act to government. As a legacy to the American people before I retire from public service at the end of this year, I’ve again joined with my esteemed colleague, Senator Barney Frank, to co-sponsor the Dodd-Frank Congressional Reform and Citizen Protection Act. Among its protective reforms is a provision mandating “suspension-from-school” for a number of days equal to the percentage annual increase in the National Debt. If the National Debt grows by, say, 12 percent, all Representatives and Senators must stay out of Washington for 12 workdays.
Congressman Barney Frank: We’ve also included in the FRANK-Dodd Congressional Reform and Citizen Protection Act a government version of the “say-on-pay” reform. A 90-day High Visibility Period will precede any Congressional vote to increases salaries for House members and Senators. During High Visibility, the Congressional Budget Office will be required to publicize the dollar amount of the salary increase, the percentage increase and the total resulting salary. Plus, the CBO will be required to include in the publicity an audited valuation of Congressional benefits. Then, the American people will cast a non-binding vote on whether we deserve such an increase.
Vice President Joseph “Uncle Joe” Biden: Tea Party? TEA PARTY!? Who the !@#$% cares about the Tea Party? Listen, !@#$%-head, this ain’t Trenton Harbor, it ain’t 1862, and the French aren’t raising your taxes.
Political Consultant James Carville: When it comes to taxes, the typical American is like a frog in a pan of lukewarm water. So long as you heat the water gradually, the frog will acclimate to the higher temperatures until the water boils and the frog’s cooked. So, too, with the American taxpayer. If you want to raise taxes, don’t swat him on the head. Just raise those rates gradually and you’ll get what you want with minimal complaint. We hike the payroll tax ceiling a couple points every year and them taxpayers utter nary a “rrbbt.”
President Barack Obama: I’ve kept my promise to the American people to be the president for change. Let’s look at the facts. When I was elected president, the national debt was 10.6 trillion dollars – up 22 percent from the 8.7 trillion dollars debt my party inherited when it took over Congress in the 2006 elections. Less than two years into my administration, the debt’s increased another 25% to 13.2 trillion and growing like a fungus in the shower of a Tijuana jail. Meanwhile, unemployment was at 4.6 percent when the Democrats took over Congress in 2006, at 7.7 percent when I took office after two years of Democrat Congressional stewardship, and today, with full Democrat control, unemployment ranges between 9.5 percent and 10 percent – and is not expected to decline anytime soon. Friends, that’s change you can believe in.
Jimmy Carter: And y’all thought I was incompetent.