Yesterday, Greg Gutfeld, the host of Fox News’ 3 a.m. show “Red Eye w/ Greg Gutfeld,” answered 10 questions for The Daily Caller about how his show came to be, his good-natured guests, his new book and the “most offensive” thing he and his panel have ever discussed on air. Now, Gutfeld answers 11 more questions for TheDC about his new book, The Bible of Unspeakable Truths, his high school buddy Barry Bonds, and his plans to build a gay bar next to the Ground Zero mosque.
1.) You recently wrote and published The Bible of Unspeakable Truths. How is it doing?
The book is doing really well. I’m surprised and happy and there is nothing better than seeing your ugly face staring back at you in bookstores and airports. The thing that bugs me most about it is people telling me that they enjoy reading it in the bookstore. I just got a letter from somebody today who said how much they loved the book but couldn’t finish it because they were closing the bookstore. I think that is a sign of the recession.
2.) The book seems to be reaching and appealing to a wide range of age groups, old and young. Even my dad, who tends to be pretty serious, loves it. What do you think about its reach?
It’s really strange. There is not a “type,” just people who understand common sense and that cuts across all age groups. People tell me the book is too racy because I use a lot of obscenities, but I think the older folks who would find it offensive, just look at it like, “oh he doesn’t really mean that.” They just kind of dismiss it and it’s the same thing with “Red Eye.” I get a lot of mail from older folks and I get stopped on the street by a lot of older folks like in Times Square — tourists. And I think they look at it sort of as, “oh aren’t they cute.” If it was anybody else saying it they’d be offended, but it is a really great relationship we have. I get nice little cards from women in their eighties telling me how much they appreciate the book and the show. And it is just so unusual, but it makes me feel good because in my heart the book is a positive thing and the show is a positive thing. They get that it is positive. What we are trying to do is add something fun to the world.
By the way, I don’t like things that try to be edgy and appeal to the youth. That’s stupid. I think it is clear in my book that it is for everybody. And there are some old fashioned values in the book that everybody can understand. I’m basically an old crank and so old cranks will like me. An old crank with a love for unicorns.
3.) Your shortest chapter in the book was about how you hated children singing. I was hoping you might elaborate on that.
I don’t understand where this idea came from that listening to children sing is somehow pleasurable. Anytime you hear a child sing it is creepy. That is why in horror movies, before something terrible happens you always have like a five year old girl singing some kind of lullaby and you know somebody is going to be thrown off a roof or a sofa is going to become possessed. It’s just, it is not good.
It goes back to — I call it the “Variety Dancer Theory” — the only people who like variety dancers or enjoy shows like “Fame” are people who are auditioning for those, like nobody else likes that stuff except for the people involved. It’s like high school drama. Nobody wants to go to “Pippin” except for the people who tried out for “Pippin” and the families of the people who are in “Pippin,” but nobody else wants to see it. In the same way, the only people who like children singing are their parents. To everyone else, it is just a crime.
4.) Another interesting chapter was your theory that fat people are in fact superheroes. I’ve noticed you’ve lost quite a bit of weight. Are you going against your theory? Why don’t you want to be a sound-wave blocking superhero?
Oh jeez, that’s a good point. Well you know why I had to lose weight was it was hurting my back. So in a way you poked a hole in my theory. But my back was aching and I had to go to the doctor and I got to the gym. And once you start losing weight you keep wanting to lose more. But I promise I’ll be back to being fat again. I give myself a year. Also my wife was thoroughly disgusted with me — that was the real truth.
5.) I heard you have a proposal to build a gay bar near the Ground Zero mosque with fun names like “Heaven and Halal.” Where does that currently stand?
I actually haven’t decided on the name yet. I like the name — and this is Bill Schulz’s idea –“Dialogue” because that way I really am building dialogue and I think that is a really smart idea.
6.) Have you had any financing offers for the bar?
I’ve had literally hundreds, maybe a thousand offers anywhere from $10 to thousand and thousands of dollars, from all over the world. This thing hit a nerve. I spent the last week just trolling through my emails and dividing them into files, “okay this guy is serious, this guy doesn’t have any money but wants to get involved, this person is offering to be my bouncer.” This guy, a former Green Beret, I think, offered to be my bouncer. Other people are offering real estate advice, people from the hospitality business offering consultation. After almost 18 years of being in the media, I’ve never seen this kind of a response to a story or an idea or a proposal. It’s really great because people get the idea. They understand what I am talking about. Because really, what is true tolerance? What is real tolerance? It is not about words. It’s about deeds.
7.) Along with all this gay talk, I’m wondering, where do you stand on gay marriage?
I have no problems with it. Look, gays deserve everything straights have, that’s just the bottom line. If it makes it easier for everybody, just remove the whole idea of marriage from government. I think it’s more of a religious question. They attach marriage to their religious beliefs and I can understand, it’s about the word. You know, I don’t care what they call it. And this thing out in California — so confusing to me. But you know what, whatever makes you happy and doesn’t hurt anybody — which sounds really contrived — is basically the way it should be, in my mind.
8.) So do you consider yourself a libertarian?
Yeah, I guess so. I’d say I’m a conservative libertarian.
9.) Have you always been that way?
I think when I was younger I was more conservative and outspoken about the culture wars and things like that. But then as I got older, you know, all I care about is free markets and a strong defense. That’s all I care about and especially after 9/11. I wish I had cared more about terrorism before 9/11, but I was like a lot of people. I didn’t pay attention.
Those things matter to me. The social issues, these things are secondary to those things. And I guess that makes me a libertarian, I don’t care what you do in your bedroom but I care how our country is protected and government should really only be involved in the things we can’t do ourselves. Like I can’t form my own standing army, you know. I’ve tried, but I can’t.
10.) This is a little out of left field — pun somewhat intended — because I’m asking about Barry Bonds, but your mom at one point in an earlier show mentioned that you went to high school with Barry Bonds and that he used to cheat off of you. I wanted to hear a little more about that.
I wrote about it a long time ago for “Men’s Health,” but that was before the Internet so I don’t [know if] the story even exists anymore. But we were in different grades. I think when he was a junior I was a sophomore, and sophomore year at Serra High School is when you started taking Spanish or whatever elective language you chose. He sat to my right behind me and whenever we had quizzes he would just start kicking my chair and I’d have to move my sheet to the right — ’cause I was actually a pretty good student — and he was a grade older than I was and he’d cheat off me. He was really really skinny back then, and mysteriously he got really big. I don’t know how that happened.
He was kind of a jerk. That was the whole point of the article I wrote. He was just a jerk. And he realized he didn’t have to study, he was going to be a famous ball player. Serra High School is like the home of great athletes. I mean that’s where — what’s his name — Tom Brady went there, Gregg Jefferies and God knows who else. I’m just a nicer person, generally.
11.) Have you ever been invited on Jon Stewart’s Daily Show? Or are they worried you are going to out-funny him?
I’ve never been invited. I don’t plan to be invited. I think he’s pretty good, but he just plays to his audience. But I guess that is what he’s supposed to do.