DC Trawler

Ask Matt Labash why he had to go and make me crave original taco-flavored Doritos

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Why, Matt? You know I’ve been trying to lose weight ever since Sgt. Hartman found that jelly donut in my foot locker. But you just had to wax nostalgic about the greatest chips ever, which they don’t make anymore. (Well, okay, there’s “Tacos at Midnight” Doritos, but they’re not the same.) Now I can’t stop thinking about those good ones they used to make, but I can never have them. Much like Matt Labash himself.

Damn you, Frito-Lay. More importantly: Damn you, Matt Labash.

Jim Treacher