1.) Exclusive: Jack Conway was incredibly lame in college — In his quest to control the universe, Kentucky Attorney General Jack Conway has spared no weak talking point and left no fleck of dandruff unturned. For more than a month now, he’s attacked GOP Senate candidate Dr. Rand Paul for his college antics at Baylor University. Today, The Daily Caller’s Jonathan Strong pries the lid off Conway’s own college manhole and finds…that Conway was a boring sucker. Not only did Conway get taken in by a 35-year-old Honda Civic owner posing as French royalty, but his fraternity brothers do not remember him as particularly interesting. “I don’t think Jack’s all that interesting of a person,” said one classmate. Said another, “He always looked perfect. He knew people would be looking up his college pics and what would bring him down.” When pressed for comment about the AG’s days as a young man at Duke, Conway’s flack pled the fifth then brought up Aqua Buddha; proof-positive that what’s motivating Conway is pure jealousy over the fact that no one ever kidnapped his ass and forced him to have fun.
2.) Obama played hard to get with McConnell for 18 months — “It took President Obama 18 months to invite the Senate Republican leader, Mitch McConnell, to the White House for a one-on-one chat,” reports the New York Times. Even that couldn’t happen without Trent Lott and Tom Daschle getting involved! “Not long before the meeting, Trent Lott, the former Republican Senate leader, lamented to his onetime Democratic counterpart, Tom Daschle, that Mr. Obama would never get an important nuclear arms treaty with Russia ratified until he consulted top Republicans. Mr. Lott, who recounted the exchange in an interview, was counting on Mr. Daschle, a close Obama ally, to convey the message; lo and behold, Mr. McConnell soon had an audience with the president.” If McConnell wanted the president to treat him like a human being, he should’ve thought of that before he became a Republican.
3.) God bless Meg Whitman for laying rich person trope to rest — If you have ever read a newspaper ever before in your life, you probably know by now that money is evil, especially when spent on political free expression. You probably also know, for a fact, that political candidates who spend lots of money running for office are not really people but goat-demons who intend to take over the Earth by infiltrating human institutions and running them into the ground. Well, apparently, not all of that is true. Ross Perot is not commander in chief, Florida’s Jeff Greene has resumed counting all the money he made during the mortgage crisis, and Donald Trump and Michael Bloomberg are stuck with fiefdoms that they likely won’t rise above. If that weren’t evidence enough that maybe the newspapers are wrong and money can’t really buy an election (unless handed out directly, in which case, hello!), now Ebay alumnus Meg Whitman is learning that while $141 million might be able to buy you someone who will pretend to love you when they are really drunk and the lights are off, that someone does not appear to be the electorate of California.
4.) Speaking of rich people running for office: Why is Obama kissing Bloomberg’s bum? — New York Magazine’s John Heilemann poses the theory in this week’s issue that Pres. Obama is being so nice to Mayor Doomberg because he is scared of him! To whit: “The likelihood of Bloomberg’s running is just as great as, if not greater than, it was when he considered taking the plunge in 2008—and that specter is very much on the minds of Obama’s people. In the past few months, the White House has made a gaudy show of sucking up to the mayor: inviting him to play golf in Martha’s Vineyard with Obama, floating his name as a potential Treasury secretary, dispatching Joe Biden and Tim Geithner to have breakfast with him and seek his economic counsel. The motivations behind the blandishments are many, but not the least is to blunt the Bloomberg threat—to keep him on the sidelines in 2012, where he and his billions would pose no danger of redrawing the electoral map in unpredictable and perilous ways.” Hahaha. Please don’t run for office, you asshole. I sent Geronimo Joe and Turbotax Timmy to have breakfast with you!
5.) President’s fiscal commission to propose really depressing solution to all our problems — “Sacrosanct tax breaks, including deductions on mortgage interest, remain on the table just weeks before the deficit commission issues recommendations on policies to pare back with the aim of balancing the budget by 2015,” reports the Wall Street Journal. “The tax benefits are hugely popular with the public but they have drawn the panel’s focus, in part because the White House has said these and other breaks cost the government about $1 trillion a year.” The number of ways in which the government is going to stop taking less of your money (and start taking more!) are enough to make even the most self-righteous lib wince with regret.
6.) Fishermen say great regulation is actually terrible — “At about $1 a pound dockside, the lost revenue last year on 222 million pounds of uncaught Georges Bank haddock was a blow to New England, where revenues for all commercial species were about $784 million,” reports the AP. Where did all the American fish money go? To Canada, where the country doctors and ambulance chasers who make the laws apparently know a lot about fish: “Tales of huge haddock hauls were a few of the fish stories that came with the boat Chris Brown bought last year from a Canadian,” the AP reports. “To Brown, they were stories of missed opportunity. The previous owner told Brown that for years the vessel trolled the edge of an area closed to U.S. fishermen for conservation. Because no one told the fish the Canadians hadn’t signed on, the fish grew undisturbed in U.S. waters, then swam east into the nets of waiting Canadians.” Thank jeebus you can catch ecological idealism with a net and sell it for $1 a pound! OH WAIT YOU CAN’T.
VIDEO: Rubio and Crist get catty on national teevee| |