Charlie Sheen in two and a half ounces
With the elections over, politicians can now go from lying about their opponents in attack ads back to their normal pastime: lying to the American people.
This allows me a respite from purely political commentary to opine on one of the recent uber-liberal, celebrity slow-motion train wrecks: the curious case of Charlie Sheen. On a “family vacation” in New York, Sheen once again became unhinged during a cocaine-filled evening when he locked his hooker in his hotel bathroom. If this was a “family vacation,” just imagine what Sheen does on a bachelor party weekend.
Now to be fair, it was first reported that she was a hooker, but the public record was later corrected by her family when they insisted she was a porn star. It may not mean much to you, but this distinction is important to her family, and we need to respect it.
Charlie Sheen, son of Martin Sheen and for some inexplicable reason brother by another name of Emilio Estevez, stars in the sitcom Two and a Half Men. If I am not mistaken, this is also the name of a movie his porn star girlfriend made.
Maybe Charlie is not to blame; he came from a Hollywood family. His mother won the custody battle when she divorced Martin Sheen, so Martin had to raise him.
Having such liberal credentials and getting busted with a hooker/porn star in NYC can only mean one thing for Charlie Sheen: he is the frontrunner for election as the next governor of New York. All he has to do now is prove he is fiscally irresponsible and play the class-warfare card every chance he gets. He might as well go ahead and install hot tubs at the Governor’s Mansion in Albany.
Sheen would be the perfect New York candidate to follow in the footsteps of hooker enthusiast Eliot Spitzer and sex scandal specialists Rudy Giuliani and Gov. David Paterson. The only New York politician not involved in any sex right now is Hillary Clinton. That makes her the second most powerful woman in politics, right behind the “D.C. Madam.”
The key rhetoric in political speeches today is “job creation.” Who has created more high-paying jobs for women than Sheen and Spitzer? No one looks out for the working women of New York like these two.
In fact, a while back there were reports that Sheen had been with one of Spitzer’s hookers. Charlie was able to prove that untrue with an iron-clad alibi when four other prostitutes stepped forward and said they were with him at the time.
Shortly after the latest hooker event in New York, Sheen’s third wife announced that she is divorcing him. In reaction to her filing, Charlie said he has had enough of her mischievous, cad-like conduct and he won’t stand for it anymore.
Pity his poor kids; there is nothing like having memories of your dad strapping you into your car seat with bourbon on his breath and stripper glitter still on his face. Charlie had kids because he didn’t want pets.
In vintage limousine-liberal fashion (Sheen makes $2 million per episode) he did pay $6,000 for two bottles of wine at dinner with his companion du jour before their hotel room romp. I guess he felt it necessary to get her a little tipsy so that she would lose all those inhibitions so prevalent in porn stars.
Charlie rented a nice $1,000 per night hotel room, although it was not recognizable as such when authorities got to the trashed room. You know you have problems when the cleanup crew had to call for a ShamWow backup HAZMAT team.
In my award-awaiting column “Why Liberals are Liberals,” I pointed out the fundamental reason that Charlie Sheen and most in the entertainment field are leftists:
These folks either inherited money, married money, or are actors. The reason they are liberal is that they have an innate guilt about the source of their fortune. They feel their money is unearned and is accompanied by the knowledge they have not accomplished anything tangible.
Clearly, celebrities live by a different set of rules than the rest of us and they inhabit a world of their own delusions. This makes them perfect liberals.
Ron Hart is a syndicated op-ed humorist, author and TV/radio commentator. Email Ron@RonaldHart.com or at visit RonaldHart.com