Understanding what really goes on inside the headquarters of left-wing activist group Media Matters is tough, based on the content it churns out on its website.
However, Fox News Channel’s “Red Eye” took a stab at it on Wednesday. Host Greg Gutfeld explained he had scored an “exclusive” with a Media Matters contributor.
“For most people, the organization known as Media Matters remains a mystery – a group funded largely by George Soros, they claim their job is to uncover media bias. But over the years it has mutated into an organ that sole purpose is to angrily target Fox News with all sorts of accusations,” Gutfeld said. “And it’s led many of us to wonder what really goes on there. Well in a ‘Red Eye’ exclusive, we are about to meet an actual Media Matters employee. For his own safety we have protected his identity.”
Interview transcript as follows:
GUTFELD: For the purposes of this interview, I’m going to call you Eric. Eric, how did you get involved in Media Matters?
“ERIC”: Well, I answered an ad on Craigslist.
“ERIC”: Yeah. I mean it sounded kind of interesting. The ad, they said they were looking for a media fellow. It sounded important like I would get a nameplate or something but I didn’t know what it was until I actually got there.
GUTFELD: What do you mean?
“ERIC”: Well it’s horrible. All we do is sit and watch Fox News and make up stuff about Fox News. It is the saddest place I have ever seen in my life. I think about it and I want to throw up.
GUTFELD: What is a typical day look like?
“ERIC”: I get to work and I take off my clothes and they strap me into a chair in front of a TV with FNC on. They keep my eyelids propped open like in “Clockwork Orange” and I sit and type all day.
GUTFELD: Why do you take off your clothes?
“ERIC”: It makes it easier to use the bucket.
GUTFELD: The bucket?
“ERIC”: Well, we were told that we cannot afford to miss anything on Fox News so, you know, when nature calls, that’s what the bucket is for.
GUTFELD: What does your wife or girlfriend or significant other think of this?
“ERIC”: That’s funny. I haven’t seen a real human in months. If you see her, please tell my mother I love her.
GUTFELD: Let’s try to stick to the questions. What exactly do you do at Media Matters?
“ERIC”: Well, my role was to watch Beck, but sometimes Beck would be preempted by breaking news and that would really be scary.
“ERIC”: Well if there was no Beck, George Soros would come down and demand we make it up. I would watch the “Flintstones” and transcribe Fred Flintstone’s words and attribute them to Beck. It was the only way to get Soros to stop hitting me.
GUTFELD: He hits you?
“ERIC”: Sometimes he carries a sock with hotel soaps. He calls it his soapy friend.
GUTFELD: What angers him the most?
“ERIC”: When he sees Megyn Kelly. He writes to her a lot. She doesn’t write him back. Some of us think our entire mission is based on the fact that she won’t meet him for coffee. He bought her a pony once.
GUTFELD: He bought her a pony?
“ERIC”: Yes. When she refused to accept it, he bought a rocket, put the pony on the rocket and shot it to space.
GUTFELD: That is crazy. So what is the workplace like?
“ERIC”: Did you see “Star Wars?”
GUTFELD: Of course I did.
“ERIC”: It is like the “Star Wars” bar. There is not a lot of good looking people there, Greg. It is actually kind of sad and lonely here. What unites us is our hatred for Fox News and various skin disorders.
GUTFELD: Why do you all hate Fox News so much?
“ERIC”: Because it is not fair. In the good old days everyone in the media agreed on everything. The people who didn’t kept their mouth shut, the way it should be. But thanks to Fox, people now get to hear different points of view and that’s dangerous. We just want things to go back the way they used to be when the smart people like us could tell the rest of the country what was good for them.
GUTFELD: But doesn’t it get old?
“ERIC”: Well, yeah, I mean, there is only so much taking words out of context I can do. Cut up quotes and call anyone a racist who likes phrases like black market or brown shirt. Quite frankly I am ready to pack it in, Greg.
GUTFELD: Eric, you can’t be that down.
“ERIC”: I went home for Christmas, Greg, and all my friend had real jobs. When I told them I worked for Media Matters they were like, what’s that? I told them what my job was, they all felt sorry for me. My old college roommate charity [does] work in Africa and when he found out what I did, he punched me in the face and stole my wallet. My dad wants me to see a doctor, but Soros says my dad is a plant.
GUTFELD: I am sorry, Eric.
“ERIC”: Please, you have to do me a favor. Can you tell my family where I am? I will do anything to get out of here. Please.
GUTFELD: I’m sorry, but we’re out of time.
GUTFELD: I wish I could. We got to move on.