The Daily Caller

The Daily Caller

Mideast megalomaniacal despots on the run

“Freedom, in a political context, has only one meaning: the absence of physical coercion.” ~ Ayn Rand in Capitalism: The Unknown Ideal

Muammar Gaddafi, the Libyan dictator who rules with an iron fist while wearing a comfortable-looking Snuggie, looks to be the next victim of a growing surge toward democracy in the Middle East. But there is a fine line between democracy and mob rule.

Gaddafi, the strange leader who seems to reinvent his style every few years (usually around a Michael Jackson theme), seems ripe for ouster. The source of the uprising in Libya is hard to pin down; maybe they are demanding Gaddafi’s birth certificate, as many believe he was born in Gary, Indiana.

Gaddafi has killed his citizens, but he says they “all love him.” He pays them money and, according to him, takes care of their needs. This gives them comfort and takes a weight off their minds, since the average life expectancy of a Libyan citizen is about 25 years. Opposing Gaddafi usually results in being dragged behind a car for eight blocks — or, as it is known in Libya, “dying of natural causes.”

Even Iranian nut-job Mahmoud Ahmadinejad chimed in and said Gaddafi had gone too far in suppressing his people. That’s like Charlie Sheen telling you that you really need to get your act together.

Garnering strength from the recent U.S. overthrow of other dictatorial bullies (Keith Olbermann and Simon Cowell), it seems that more regimes in the region are in jeopardy. The march of freedom and potential regime changes in Tunisia, Jordan, Libya, Egypt, the Ivory Coast, Yemen, etc., augur well for all of us and especially for property values in New York City. Note to anyone in NYC contemplating renting to any of these “relocating” despots: They are hard to evict. It might take 40 years, in some cases.

This is the third kleptocracy to melt down in recent days. Bad things seem to happen in threes; look at the Kardashian sisters.

If you think these thieving billionaire despots have money now, just wait until they apply for unemployment, food stamps, disability and a government union pension in the USA. That’s some real money.

Giving us much-needed context, celebs like Sting choose to air their views on the situation, mostly blaming Americans for not understanding the Middle East. What’s not to understand? Those governments seem uncomplicated and perfectly sane. Their actions are in no way driven by religious fanaticism or greedy, tyrannical dictators. With all due respect to Sting and his opinions, I remain skeptical, at least until Seal, Meatloaf and Phil Collins weigh in on the matter. Until we have a policy consensus among these rock icons of the 90s, we must defer to Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton.

As Gaddafi’s military henchmen killed protestors, Hillary once again called on a sitting president to exercise restraint. Many of Gaddafi’s generals have defected to the other side, so his lower ranks have done most of the killing. Hillary clearly has the most experience in this area, having called for a sitting president to restrain himself and his privates since 1997.

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  • marlynmonkey

    He does dress like Michael Jackson in the little sailor and military garb.

    That pencil mustach is a throw back to the 80′s. Hart about summed this guy up, very well done.

    And he is risht about the Saudi s…Saudi Arabia’s King Abdullah tried to forestall revolt Thursday by giving his subjects thirty-seven billion dollars in direct payments. It worked. He spent days handing out cash to everybody and by Wednesday morning he was the mayor of Chicago.

  • CalTrillen

    Fine line by Hart:

    “Supporting countries like Egypt and Saudi Arabia as our “friends” in the region is like having a brother-in-law with cocaine, hooker and gambling problems move into your basement. You should not be the least bit surprised when it does not end well for you.”

    LOL!

  • CalTrillen

    Our buddy Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan says the Middle East uprising will find its way to the U.S.

    Has he been to Wisconsin lately?

    I like this Hart guy’s work, very P J O’Rourke like.

  • carpediemtexas

    Great column by a very funny writer.

    Colonel Moammar Khadaffi refused to step down Friday and he ordered Libyans to sing and dance in the streets. His military rank is not a real title. Forty years ago he received the honorary title of Colonel for inventing a secret recipe for Southern fried goats.