Yesterday The Washington Post reported on left-wing activist group Media Matters new media training “boot camp” initiative, the Progressive Talent Initiative, or PTI, which was described by Post reporter Jason Horowitz to be “a partisan boot camp where rebel forces were trained for combat on Fox News.”
But early on Thursday morning, the Fox News Channel’s “Red Eye” crew took a look at this “boot camp” and reenacted the first day of the seminar.
Transcript as follows:
TRAINER: So, it is time for your media training, Eric.
“ERIC”: Yes, finally I got out of the basement. This is exciting. I bought new underwear.
TRAINER: That’s not necessary. So let’s say you are about to do TV. What’s your message?
“ERIC”: Well, that Fox News is evil and wrong.
TRAINER: What else?
“ERIC”: That Fox News is wrong and evil.
TRAINER: Well, Eric at some point you have to move them from there.
“ERIC”: That’s what we do Media Matters. They give me food pellets for every empty Fox story I write.
TRAINER: Eric, you have to converse about any number of subjects.
“ERIC”: I can talk about “Fox & Friends,” Beck, Hannity and O’Reilly and that’s four topics.
TRAINER: What’s that smell?
“ERIC”: It is my diaper. Because I must watch Fox all day, I can’t afford to use the toilet. I just pooped. But don’t worry I have a Glade deodorizer taped to my pelvis.
TRAINER: Anyway, what are your thoughts on Obama bombing Libya?
“ERIC”: Well, Fox News says —
TRAINER: No, what are your thoughts on Obama bombing Libya.
“ERIC”: Fox News says —
TRAINER: Let’s try to get off Fox News, Eric. Is that possible?
“ERIC”: I have to other skills. My job is to excessively watch Fox News. If you take that away I have nothing, no friends, no family, no life. I am a shell of a human diluted into thinking I have purpose when all I really am is a conduit for my boss’ simmering jealousy over past slights.
TRAINER: You’re depressing me.
“ERIC”: Don’t you think my problem is I am too smart and that’s why nobody likes me?
TRAINER: I think you need a psychiatrist and not a media trainer.
“ERIC”: Do you have any more lotion? I am chafing.
TRAINER: Did you poop again?
“ERIC”: No, that’s just my normal smell.
Later in the segment, Gutfeld pointed out to his co-host Bill Schultz that the Post story, written by Jason Horowitz, lacked a degree of scrutiny.
“The Washington Post writer, Jason Horowitz – this is probably the worst piece of brown nosing journalism I have ever read in my life,” Gutfeld said. “He was obviously friends with these guys. He chose not use their names because it could jeopardize their working at Fox.”
“I have only been doing this for four years, but those are the people that are attracted to this business,” Schultz replied. “Just sort of backhanded that will go whereever the wind blows. First they hate you, and then they love you. I of course am a loyal employee of NewsCorp. I can stay here as long as they will have me. And I don’t mind being a janitor on the side. Something to think about H.R., something to think about.”
Gutfeld took a parting shot at outspoken Fox News critic David Shuster, who according to the Post story has played a role in the training.
“But the other part, before I move on – I am very happy to see David Shuster got a job,” Gutfeld said. “He actually came to the media training thing to help them out. Remember David Shuster from MSNBC – fired for tweeting or something like that? Great guy.”