DC Trawler

There’s one born every minute, and nobody’s more glad than Charlie Sheen

Whoever came up with the idea of sending Charlie Sheen on a live tour across the U.S. must’ve been on cocaine, so I’m assuming it was Sheen himself. But don’t blame him. Blame the dolts who’ve enabled him by buying tickets.

The first group of dupes in Detroit have learned their lesson. James Hibberd at Entertainment Weekly writes:

Charlie Sheen unleashed his Violent Torpedo of Truth Tour on the Motor City on Saturday night before a crowd that greeted the actor with an adoring standing ovation and concluded with booing and walk-outs. The padded and disjointed show was a hodgepodge of video clips and Sheen-isms that felt hastily assembled and misjudged the patience of even the hardest of hardcore fans.

Hibberd has a timeline of the fiasco. A mere fifteen minutes after Sheen first opened his mouth:

9:15 — OK, nobody understands a word Sheen is saying. “”Is anybody else as confused by this s— as I am?” he finally asks. There are roars from the crowd. “I wrote every word!” Later, a cab driver tells me that it’s about this time that angry fans began walking out of the theatre.

And after another five:

9:20 — People start booing Sheen. Not playing around, but actually booing him. Sheen yells, “I already got your money, dude!”

Normally it’s a big no-no for a cult leader to tell his followers that they’re suckers and he hates them, but that’s Sheen’s whole act. What did these dimwits expect?

Sheen went on for another hour, by which time he’d completely alienated 5,000 dummies who paid a lot of money to listen to a drug-addled ghoul babble about tiger blood.

Sheen’s Twitter feed has been silent ever since. It’s fair to assume that his hopes for this tour are #dimming. Defeat is not an option. It’s an inevitability.

P.S. Oh, wow.

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P.P.S. NYDN: Charlie Sheen’s one-man ‘truth’ show bombs so badly, fans race to unload tickets for rest of his tour.