In what my male colleagues have called an elaborate attempt to get laid, a group of feminist men has issued an apology to the world’s women for thousands of years of oppression.
While some might suggest that they could do away with some of the “male evil” by retreating alone to a forest, the California-based Conscious Men instead have issued a manifesto, complete with video (featuring birds chirping, water gurgling and harps tinkling), letting all women know they are sorry and that they respect womankind.
“Dear women, we stand before you today as men committed to becoming more conscious in every way,” the creators of the group, Gay Hendricks and Arjuna Ardagh, say to begin their eight-minute long video apology. “We feel a deep love, great respect, and a growing sense of worship for the gifts of the feminine. We also feel a great sorrow about the destructive actions of the unconscious masculine in the past and present. We want to apologize and make amends for those action today.”
Hendricks and Ardagh have a diverse following of men featured in their video reading portions of the manifesto: eyebrow-ring guy, thoughtful scarf fellow, greasy-long-hair creep, big lips and white shirt prowler, squinty-eyed goober, beardy, translucent little Lord Fauntleroy, Ichabod Crane, leather jacket “hardass,” disheveled bowl-cut man, Muslim fellow, token black guy, needs a haircut dude, dreadlocks enthusiast, baldy, baldy part deux, high hair guy, Sting’s long lost brother, pillow-sitting man, Aladdin wanna-be … you get the idea.
Watch the video:
“On behalf of my gender, I apologize to you for our unconscious actions when we were angry, scared and in the grip of destructive forces in our psyche,” they say. “I choose no longer to contribute to those forces, nor to be run by them in my own life. I offer you this apology in hopes that we can make a fresh start in a spirit of co-creation.”
Making it a family affair, Ardagh’s wife, Chameli Ardagh, has issued her own apology on behalf of women on her website, “Awakening Women.”
“We want to loudly and clearly commit to supporting each others as sisters to break these destructive patterns so that we all, both men and women can re-member, re-integrate, re-marry and re-unite with awakening love to create the balance and harmony on earth we all so deserve,” she and her cohort Stella Fairbairn write. “Now is the time.”
The manifesto ends with the chorus of men asserting that unity is the way.
“Together we can make miracles,” they solemnly cheer.
Somewhere, John Wayne is weeping.