1.) Is Gov. Mike running for president? Huck no!— Bad news, libs: You’ll have one less opponent to accuse of racism for the next 18 months. Mike Huckabee announced on his Fox News show Saturday night that he’s staying out of the 2012 field. Here he is explaining his decision: “The past few weeks, the external signs and signals and answers to many of the obstacles point strongly toward running. And when I have people encouraging me to run, it’s easy to feel the strength of their partnership and commitment to help me to the finish line. But only when I was alone in quiet and reflective moments did I have not only clarity, but an inexplicable inner peace — a peace that exceeds human understanding. All the factors say go, but my heart says no.” That sure was a long way to go to say, “I don’t feel like it. Whew!”
2.) SNL criticizes Barack — Yes, you read that right. This weekend Saturday Night Live trotted out Fred Armisen once again to do the worst impression in the show’s history, but this time it was to mock Barack for gloating over Osama Bin Laden’s death. Here’s a bit from Barack’s fictional stump speech: “Yeah, they’re gonna say, ‘Obamacare’? I’m gonna say, ‘Guy who killed Bin Laden-care!’ Yeah, yeah. They’re gonna say, ‘Where are the jobs?’ Yeah, I’m gonna say, ‘I got a job opening: al-Qaeda #1! Now accepting applications!” There’s a reason this show is known for its political humor. Isn’t there? Well, at least they finally found a tiny little flaw in the perfect jewel that is Barack.
3.) Speaking of killing Bin Laden, the Navy SEALs would like everybody to stop — Stop speaking of killing Bin Laden, that is. Paul Bedard at U.S. News & World Report writes: “U.S. Navy SEALs, like the teams that killed Osama bin Laden, are grateful for the nation’s show of support but are growing angry with the continued focus on their operation, tactics, and tools, claiming it could jeopardize future raids and their safety. ‘My friends in the community tell me they’re very glad for the bit of attention they got,’ said former Pentagon deputy undersecretary Jed Babbin, ‘but at some point the best way to help them is to stop. You guys in the press have done a good job, but stop for God’s sake, stop.'” Well, if everyone wants to start pretending Barack tracked down Bin Laden solo and took him out Jack Bauer-style, that’d be fine with Barack.
4.) Bill Maher knows lots of things about moisture — If you lived through the tornadoes that hit Arkansas recently, it’s not all bad news. At least you got to provide further “evidence” for one of the pet theories of a premium-cable loudmouth. TheDC’s Jeff Poor relays Bill Maher’s nonsense about it on his HBO show: “This is global warming. This is global warming – there’s more moisture – it’s what scientists always said. There’s more moisture in the atmosphere. It’s going to cause these giant disasters.” Maher, who has made a career of mocking the religious faith of others, has been reduced to bleating, “Sky gods angry! Make sacrifice to sky gods!” If he had any self-awareness at all, his next movie would be called Religulous 2: Anthropogenic Boogaloo.
5.) Lemon party to a big secret — In an interview with the NYT’s Bill Carter, CNN weekend anchor Don Lemon has come out as a gay man. This is huge news: CNN is still on the air! Oh yeah, and also: “Mr. Lemon has not made a secret of his sexual orientation in his work life; many of his CNN co-workers and managers have long been aware that he is gay. But he still acknowledged that going public in his book carries certain risks. ‘I’m scared,’ he said in a telephone interview. ‘I’m talking about something that people might shun me for, ostracize me for.'” Which is shameful: It’s wrong to be prejudiced against someone just because he works at CNN. But seriously, this means that when you fail to buy Lemon’s new book, “Transparent,” you’ll be not only racist but also a homophobe.
6.) Ashton Kutcher sure likes stealing stuff from old guys — First he took Bruce Willis’s wife, and now he’s taking Charlie Sheen’s parking spot at the set of Two and a Half Men. Sheen is taking the news surprisingly well and has given the new union his blessing. Just kidding! He predicts the show will fail without him, reports TheDC’s Laura Donovan: “In an interview with TMZ, Sheen had kind words for 33-year-old Kutcher, but added that the program will see a drop in ratings. ‘Enjoy the show, America. Enjoy seeing a 2.0 in the demo every Monday, WB,’ Sheen told the online publication. ‘Essentially, Charlie is saying the age group that supported him is going to tune out,’ TMZ translated Sheen’s TV-talk.” And he said it without using the words “warlock,” “tiger blood,” or “winning.” We did it, America. We outlasted him.
VIDEO: Jimmy McMillan: The Gas Is Too Damn High
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