DC Trawler

Tea Party Zombies Must Die is a really good video game

Have you ever wondered what would happen if you combined the best graphics and gameplay that 1996 has to offer with the subtle wit and political sophistication of an unmedicated Kos Kid? Wonder no more, ’cause here comes Tea Party Zombies Must Die!

The object of this web-based first-person shooter is simple: slaughter people who disagree with you politically. But it’s okay because they’re already undead!

Let’s take a look at the incisive political satire:

Tearing apart a “Generic Pissed Off Old White Guy Zombie” with a crowbar. Take that, typical Fox News viewer. You can’t see it, but I totally ruined his American flag tie. This is completely different than putting a crosshairs symbol on a map, because it doesn’t contribute to a climate of hate!

Check me out, I’m Bernardine Dohrn. Prepare to die, pig!

Here I am outside the Fox News studios with a loaded weapon. Good thing it’s not one of the networks or the New York Times, or this game would be all over the news!

Here’s the “Blonde Anchorwoman Breeding Pit.” Which raises a number of questions. Are the blonde anchorwomen being used as broodmares before or after they become zombies? If after, how do you breed dead people with each other anyway? Where are the male zombies they’re bred with? Do the game designers know how a lady’s ladyparts work?

You get to kill your least-favorite FNC personalities, including Bill O’Reilly, Brit Hume, Sean Hannity, and even Mike Huckabee. There’s nothing wrong with it because you’re not saying, “Don’t retreat, reload!”

And of course, the best part of all: You get to shoot Zombie Glenn Beck with a gun. It’s like living inside one of Keith Olbermann’s most pulse-pounding masturbatory fantasies!

There’s so much more. Check out Tea Party Zombies Must Die right now!

Or, y’know, don’t.