DC Trawler

TheDC Morning: Debbie Downer derps it up again

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1.) Perry gets pigpiled — Last night they had another GOP debate, which was a perfect opportunity for the handsome, slightly graying, perfectly coiffed dude in a charcoal suit and red tie to go after the handsome, slightly graying, perfectly coiffed dude in a charcoal suit and red tie. TheDC’s Alex Pappas reports: “Texas Gov. Rick Perry and former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney accused each other of scaring seniors during a heated back-and-forth on Social Security at the GOP presidential debate on Monday. The topic was the first of the night and a fiery debate between the two was expected. Both GOP presidential hopefuls have been sparring on the issue over the last week. ‘The real question is, does Gov. Perry continue to believe that Social Security should not be a federal program, that it’s unconstitutional and should be returned to the states?’ Romney said at the CNN-Tea Party Express debate. ‘How far is he going to retreat from that view?’ Referencing past comments from Perry, Romney also said: ‘The term “Ponzi scheme” is over the top and unnecessary and frightful to many people.’ Perry quickly responded: ‘If what you’re trying to say is that back in the 30s and 40s that the federal government made all the right decisions, I disagree with you.'” That’s just silly. Everybody knows that once the government institutes a program, it becomes an immutable fact of life forever and ever, even when it falls apart and there’s no way to pay for it. And if you don’t like it, you should’ve thought about that before you were born here, teabagger! The other candidates also attacked Perry on the HPV vaccine and some other stuff. Looks like he’s the guy to beat right now, so they’re all flailing away.

2.) Debbie Downer derps it up again — It wouldn’t be a GOP debate without an utterly stupid rebuttal by a promiment Dem, and Debbie Wasserman Schultz is always ready to step up to the plate and strike out. TheDC’s Matthew Boyle reports: “Appearing on CNN with host Anderson Cooper minutes after Monday’s Republican primary debate, Democratic National Committee Chairwoman Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz said the candidates were appeasing tea partiers.’Anyone watching the debate tonight, Anderson, watched the Republican candidates, as expected, worship at the altar with the Tea Party,’ Wasserman Schultz said. ‘As a Floridian, I know my constituents were looking for them to talk about what they would do to create jobs, what they would do to get the economy turned around, how would they help the middle class, how would they help small business owners. None of that.'” All of those problems would be greatly alleviated by the simple expedient of replacing Obama, of course, but Derpy Debbie can’t allow herself to think about that. The important thing is that now we know the GOP candidates are “worshipping at the altar with the Tea Party.” And as we all know, the act of worship is bad, unless it’s directed at a handsome fellow named Barry.

3.) More green for less energy — With the collapse of disastrous cash-toilet Solyndra, you might be worried that the government is going to stop wasting your hard-earned tax dollars on the green-energy pipe dreams of Obama’s cronies. Fear not! TheDC’s Amanda Carey reports: “Despite Solyndra’s abrupt closing and bankruptcy announcement last month, the Department of Energy (DOE) is undeterred. Just this month, the agency made two more loan guarantees worth millions of dollars to alternative energy firms. And, as was the case with Solyndra, officials and investors with the two new companies have strong financial ties to President Barack Obama. On September 7, the DOE announced its plan to guarantee 80 percent — or $275 million — of a $344 million private loan taken out by the firm SolarCity. The company installs rooftop solar systems that harvests electricity SolarCity then sells… The second company is Solexel. On September 2, the solar energy company announced a $13 million award from the DOE as part of a program to make solar energy systems more affordable for homeowners. Solexel is financially backed by venture capitalist Steve Westly. In 2008, Westly bundled for Obama’s presidential campaign, bringing in more than $500,000. He’s at it again for the president’s 2012 re-election campaign. So far, Westly has bundled between $100,000 and $200,000.” The Obama administration is merely tapping into the planet’s most dependably renewable resource: corruption.

4.) Gutfeld vs. Krugman — Paul Krugman used the occasion of the 10th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks to throw an even bigger, more embarrassing temper tantrum than usual. But on last night’s episode of “The Five” on FNC, Greg Gutfeld was having none of it. Here’s what Gutfeld had to say, courtesy of TheDC’s Jeff Poor: “So, on the 10th anniversary of 9/11, New York Times columnist Paul Krugman delivered the most odious piece of drivel ever on the attack. Well, at least since the last time he wrote about it. The headline is ‘The Years of Shame.’ And no, it’s not directed at radical Islam. Instead he targets America and its, quote, ‘fake heroes.’ Krugman claims that the atrocity has been ‘hijacked’ – a sick word, given that he’s not actually talking about the real hijackers who killed 3,000 Americans. No, he’s referring to George Bush and Rudy Giuliani, who he thinks capitalized on the horrible crimes. But the worst part: At the end of this column, the creep writes, ‘I’m not going to allow comments on the post for obvious reasons.’ That obvious reason: He’s a coward. I mean, why else would you ban responses? He’s like a 10-year-old boy crank-calling all of us, only to hang up before he hears a response, fearing his own shame for his own wickedness. Now, I watched the memorial services and I feel sorrow for the families whose grief never ends, but since I’m lousy at emotional reflection, usually I avoid it. But at least I can summarize what many feel today in nine words: Go to hell, Paul Krugman, you bearded, bitter buffoon.”

5.) Labash answers — Matt Labash’s love affair with his hate mail continues. In this week’s “Ask Matt Labash,” he goes after Apple Computer fetishists: “I am sick of your cultists giving me their laundry lists of why my PC is inferior. I’m sure it is. But I unapologetically keep purchasing pieces-of-crap HP notebooks (at a clip of about one every two years, since that’s how often they fail me), just to annoy you and your Kool-Aid drinking iCatamites, to fly the middle finger of resistance in the face of your moony-eyed groupthink and technological triumphalism… I am sick of your never-ending stream of overhyped, overpriced, unnecessary iProducts. Your iPads and iClouds and iToldyouso’s. I’m sick of the way you lowercase your ‘I’s’ for all proper nouns, a transparent act of false modesty, as though the laws of nature and punctuation don’t apply to you. I’m sick of how I can no longer get all the way through lunch without my dining companion succumbing to iPhone interruptus. And I’m sick of the way your iPod has put every record store within a 100-mile radius of me out of business. I can no longer even find one at the mall. But I sure as hell can find an Apple Store, where iDorks stand six deep to get their iProducts iServiced, as they sport your iUniform (mom jeans and New Balance shoes), completely oblivious to the fact that unlike you, they’re not rich enough to get away with dressing that badly.” Yes, as always, send those letters of love and support to La2TheBash@aol.com.

6.) Today’s words of wisdom from Alec Baldwin’s Truther, er, Twitter feed — “I don’t believe I’ve seen greater athleticism in tennis, or anywhere for that matter, than in this US Open Men’s Final”

VIDEO: Gutfeld smacks Krugman until his eyes bug out