The Daily Caller

The Daily Caller

Naked zombies on Wall Street

Photo of Rick Robinson
Rick Robinson
Author, Writ of Mandamus

Wall Street has been besieged by protesters who believe the future of America rests on their ability to cover their faces with zombie make-up and carry signs with their clothes off.

New Yorkers have not seen this many blank faces in one place since “Taller Than a Dwarf” starring Matthew Broderick closed on Broadway after only 93 performances. Major news outlets in the Big Apple are covering the protests like they have never before captured the undead on film, except at Shea Stadium.

The whole scene is quite exciting, in a New York sort of way. A topless woman carried a sign that read: “I DIDN’T SAY LOOK, I SAID LISTEN.”

I looked.

To date, the protests have been as unorganized as tunnel traffic at rush hour, but that’s about to change.

Union leaders are now moving to co-opt the demonstrations and have sent their troops marching to demand “right-to-work legislation” in order to create jobs. Just kidding — I wanted to see if you were paying attention. Some college students walked out of class last night and, in sympathy with the Wall Street protesters, headed straight to a fraternity kegger.

And, of course, what would a left-wing protest be without Michael Moore (other than several hundred pounds lighter). Moore showed up, and on cue, cried for the cameras — meaningless tears from a man who rolls around in his movie profits like a chunky Scrooge McDuck.

While these left-wing rowdies articulate no coherent agenda, they all want “change.” For that reason, former White House lightning rod Van Jones, multiple union leaders, MoveOn.org, and an ox cart of others are struggling to take control of the protest.

The first change someone should demand is for the protesters to wash their faces and put their clothes back on. It’s hard to take naked zombies too seriously.

Timing good for tea party

The attack of the naked zombies on Wall Street comes at a relatively good time for the tea party movement.

Recent poll numbers indicate that the favorable/unfavorable ratings for the Tea Party have flip-flopped. The movement was once popular enough to change election outcomes, but today more Americans have an unfavorable image of it than a favorable one. One could argue that these numbers have turned because of the media coverage of the tea party, but that is beside the point. The fact is that, for whatever reason, many Americans seem to be tiring of the movement.

Political thought has always been defined by debate on the extremes. Now, with the Occupy Wall Street crowd establishing the boundary on the left, the tea party has a foil. With naked zombies as a contrast, the tea party’s poll numbers are likely to flip-flop again — provided the tea partiers keep their clothes on.

Several nights ago, an NBC reporter updated the Occupy Wall Street story on site, sharing the intense details while a young zombie danced in the background. Suddenly, that crazy old coot down the street that dresses up in a three-cornered hat and blathers on and on about excessive government spending doesn’t seem all that kooky.

Now when Bill Maher calls tea partiers “just a bunch of stupid cultists,” they can respond by saying, “But we’re not naked zombies.”