The late, great Kim Jong Il achieved more things than any human could count, except perhaps Kim Jong Il — if he was a human, which he of course most certainly was not. Here are the Dear Leader’s top 10 most impressive accomplishments:
9. His affection for Daffy Duck and Rambo was unparalleled among world leaders.
8. He was the best kidnapper of movie directors.
7. His fashion sense was unrivaled:
6. So prosperous was Kim Jong Il’s North Korea, supping on corn found in cow dung was considered a “lucky day.”
5. He was “A Great Teacher of Journalists,” “Genius of Revolution,” “Great Successor to the Cause of Juche,” and “A Great Personality,” according to North Korean books written about him or by him. He wrote 1,500 while in university alone.
4. He presided over the opening of the first Italian restaurant in North Korea in 2009.
3. During his first time playing golf, he hit 11 holes-in-one, en route to the lowest score in golf history.
2. He nearly transformed North Korea into a lightless society.
1. Under Kim Jong Il, at least 85 percent of North Korea’s population didn’t die of starvation in the 1990s.
Editors Note: Everything on this list is unverifiable.