1.) Debbie Does Caucus — The Iowa caucuses are mere hours away, and you can feel the excitement. That is, if you can still feel anything after Saturday night. (Jager bombs? You’re not in college anymore, dude. Wait… did you even go to college?) The Republicans are getting all the attention today, and the Democrats just can’t have that. TheDC’s Neil Munro reports:
“Democratic campaign officials are fighting to get onto the GOP’s Iowa podium, because they’re hoping to jostle the GOP candidates, trip up Mitt Romney and color the public’s image of the Republican coalition and the eventual winner. Democratic National Committee chairwoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz will be in Des Moines, Iowa, on Tuesday, where she’s expected to slam Romney as an out-of-touch elitist. Brad Woodhouse, the DNC’s communications chief, was in the state Jan. 1. He worked to damage the former Massachusetts governor’s campaign by trying to shape reporters’ coverage of Romney’s win or loss in the race. ‘Romney has now predicted a win tomorrow. He’s been running for 5 years, is all in here and has spent millions to win. He sure better,’ said a Monday evening tweet from Woodhouse. Democrats also showed off their Iowa general-election organization in the hope of a getting favorable comparisons to the Republicans’ ill-funded, ramshackle campaigns… Once the votes are counted, Obama will try to grab the media’s attention on Wednesday from the winner of the Iowa caucuses by flying into Cleveland in the must-win state of Ohio. He’ll give a speech on the economy at Shaker Heights High School, where he’ll get a raucous reception from the students, most of whom are African-American… The campaign-style speech, however, will not be a campaign speech, but instead will be a normal political speech. That classification ensures that taxpayers will fund the cost of transporting him on Air Force One and the cost of arranging the school event.”
Don’t worry. Just 10 more months of this stuff!
2.) Gingrich won’t win Iowa, says Gingrich — It’s been quite a roller-coaster ride if you’re a supporter of Newt Gingrich, but he’s right there with you, holding the barf bag. TheDC’s Will Rahn reports:
“During a tele-townhall Monday evening, Newt Gingrich had a verbal face-off with a caller who insisted the former House speaker could still win the Iowa caucuses. Gingrich had said earlier in the day that he was unlikely to win the Iowa caucuses. ‘I don’t think I’m going to win,” he told reporters Monday afternoon. This did not sit well with ‘Jeff,’ a caller to the tele-townhall who had been working long hours as a precinct captain for Gingrich. ‘Tonight, I see on Fox News that you say you’re not going to win Iowa,’ Jeff said. ‘It’s like, it just let the air out of me.’ Gingrich responded by saying he would come in ‘very close’ with ‘a shot at being anywhere from second to fourth’ place. ‘And I think it’s going to make a big difference where we are on that list,’ he continued. An exasperated Jeff disagreed with Gingrich’s analysis. ‘You’re gonna win tomorrow night,’ he said. ‘And I want to hear you telling people you’re gonna win tomorrow night, because you’ve got good people out there that are campaigning for you.'”
A month ago, Gingrich predicted he’d be the nominee because of the polls. Now he’s predicting he won’t win Iowa because of the polls. So at least he’s being consistent.
3.) Marine vs. NYC — Here’s the Second Amendment to the United States Constitution: “A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.” Seems fairly straightforward… if you’re a wingnut. That was then, this is now, and your moral, ethical, and intellectual superiors in the great state of New York know better. TheDC’s Steven Nelson reports:
“Ryan Jerome was enjoying his first trip to New York City on business when the former Marine Corps gunner walked up to a security officer at the Empire State Building and asked where he should check his gun. That was when Jerome’s nightmare began. The security officer called police and Jerome spent the next two days in jail. The 28-year-old with no criminal history now faces a mandatory minimum sentence of three and a half years in prison. If convicted, his sentence could be as high as fifteen years. Jerome has a valid concealed carry permit in Indiana and visited New York believing that it was legal to bring his firearm… The online gun-law information Jerome read was inaccurate, however, and his late September arrest initiated what may become a protracted criminal saga. He hasn’t yet been indicted by a grand jury, but there may be little legal wiggle-room if he is… Jerome isn’t the first out-of-state visitor to volunteer that they had a gun, only to be put through the wringer. In December, Tennessee nurse Meredith Graves noticed a ‘no guns’ sign at the World Trade Center site and asked where she could leave her weapon, only to face similar charges. Also in December, Tea Party Patriots co-founder Mark Meckler was arrested after attempting to check a pistol — for which he has a California concealed carry permit — at a New York airport.”
Here’s an idea: don’t go to New York. They don’t want you there anyway, and your money will spend just fine in the other 56 states.
4.) Occupy Tenure Track — And if you need yet another reason to stay away from New York, TheDC’s David Martosko reports:
“Just a few miles from where the Occupy Wall Street movement was born, students at an Ivy League university will soon be able to earn course credit by participating in the anti-capitalist protests under the tutelage of one of the movement’s veterans. CBS News in New York City reports that Columbia University, the elite school led by former Federal Reserve Bank of New York chairman Lee Bollinger, will teach the course next semester. The anthropology department’s offering is called ‘Occupy the Field: Global Finance, Inequality, Social Movement.’ It is open to upperclassmen and graduate students. Dr. Hannah Appel, a veteran of the ‘Occupy’ movement, will teach the course. Appel has written frequently about her experiences attending Occupy meetings and protests in New York and in her native Oakland. ‘Class requirements will be divided between seminar at Columbia and fieldwork in and around the Occupy movement,’ according to the course syllabus, obtained by The Daily Caller. ‘In addition to scheduled seminar[s],’ it continues, ‘this class will meet off-campus several times, and students will be expected to be involved in ongoing OWS projects outside of class, to be developed in close conversation with the instructor.'”
To recap: Guns bad, lice-ridden squalor camps good. Welcome to New York! Hey, are the Occupiers still wondering why their degrees are worthless?
5.) You didn’t count on Matt Labash, you ancient Mayans — Is there a better way to start off the final year of planet Earth than with a little bit of Labash? Well, here he is anyway, reading your mind about Iowa:
“For roughly two years out of every quadrennial, groveling politicians, not to mention journalists and the electorate at large, have to pretend to give a rip what Iowans think. Which is unfortunate, as even Iowans don’t know what Iowans think. I’m not saying they’re dumb. But in the nineties, Iowa experienced the second largest brain drain of any state in the nation, with its young educated classes fleeing in droves. Economists say it was to find better employment or higher education opportunities. But one could hardly blame the evacuees for just wanting to get away from other rubber-necking, carb-loading, undecided Iowa voters. Even as late as this past Saturday, a Des Moines Register poll showed 41 percent of Iowans could still be persuaded to change their minds. This, after every man, woman, and child in the state had benefited from 17 or 18 opportunities apiece to eat pancakes, have their photos snapped in front of butter sculptures, or to otherwise be sucked up to, back-slapped or belly-scratched in person by or with every single candidate, plus their spouses… So we are again encouraging the funny little people of Iowa to pack their school gyms with their aluminum-foil covered sheet cakes and pork products so they can jawbone at each other before holding their adorable little non-binding vote.”
Iowans and Iowan-sympathizers, please send that hate mail to THEmattlabash@compuserve.com.
6.) Today’s words of wisdom from Ellen Barkin’s Twitter feed — “F*** all of u,Bloomberg & every1 goose-stepping behind u.I cannot believe what I am seeing.U protect nothing.U ARE the violence in my city” (NOTE: Background/translation here)