Summer started yesterday, and we’re already having second thoughts about leaving spring. It’s like 95 damn degrees out there, and since we spent all of our money on booze, we can’t afford a cocksucker seersucker suit and now we’re sweating. But whatever. We still have our dashing good looks, a cadre of beautiful models and now, when we do sweat all over the place (which is inevitable no matter what we wear), it smells like a brewery. Sweet, sweet brewery.
Now, before anyone gets any ideas about how awful it might be to sit next to us on a long plane ride, we thought ahead: Why have whiskey and stale beer flowing forth from our pores when we could have sweet, fresh apple and hints of spice?
So, both to celebrate and survive this first weekend of summer, The Daily Caller presents the season’s hard cider house rules:
Rule No. 1: Drink cider. Anytime, anywhere, all the time.
Rule No. 2: If ever any doubt, see Rule No. 1.
Now let’s get it started in here.
Angry Orchard Hard Cider’s Crisp Apple
Picture this: Waking up on a Saturday morning, feeling awful. Passed out on top of the sheets, light still beaming. Definitely forgot to turn the AC on. Cell phone and wallet? Check. Any awful text messages? Ah, save that for later. The point is, if there’s a shower and a change of clothes to be had, Saturday is still on. But wait! When this hangover catches on, Saturday may be done for. And the hangover is inevitable — if you stop drinking.
Introducing: Angry Orchard Hard Cider’s Crisp Apple. The casual boozer’s breakfast booze.
Booze for breakfast? Should we re-evaluate our lives? Listen, padre — this ain’t no pint of rye on ice — it’s frickin’ apple juice. So before anyone goes all do-you-have-any-idea-what-you’re-doing on us, rest assured we know exactly what we’re doing: Drinking all day. And you can’t drink all day unless you start in the morning.
With a golden color and gentle carbonation, the Crisp Apple has an apple juice nose with a hint of cinnamon.
At first taste, it’s as refreshing as biting into a crisp, sweet, juicy apple. And though it’s sweet, it has a nice, dry finish.
One of TheDC’s resident experts hit the nail on the head: It’s sweet, so mix it with something spicy, something creamy.
Don’t get us wrong — we would absolutely crush Crisp Apple with a British pub-style breakfast of eggs (sunny side up), bacon, sausage, English Heinz baked beans, potato cakes, fried tomatoes and blood pudding. But when we wake up in the afternoon and don’t want to spoil our appetite, or we wake up in our tux, friends can catch us cracking a few of these on the patio with brie and a jalapeno jam on a light water cracker. No shame.
Oh, and it’s 5 percent ABV, but besides the lack of a hangover, we didn’t notice.
Angry Orchard Hard Cider’s Apple Ginger
Sounds fruity, right? Well, that’s what we were thinking. And while, technically, we were right, we were pretty darn wrong on our predictions: This cider is legit.
First off, it’s a deeper gold than its brother, and it’s more bubbly too.
On the nose, the apple juice scent more raw, and, honestly, has a hint of ginger. No kidding.
On the palate, spritzy and not as sweet as its buddy, with the spice we hoped the ginger would impart, but not overwhelming in any of its aspects. Basically, we couldn’t pass this to someone without them knowing it had some alcohol in it — it has that lovely hard cider bite.
And to be honest, we struggled putting poetry to our prose, because this beverage comes across as advertised: apple ginger hard cider. We were worried at first glance, because we expected the gang at Angry Orchard to throw in a bit of cinnamon, but they didn’t. And for that we are thankful.
The culmination of their work is a damn good weekend (or weekday) afternoon drink, and we’d pair it with something that has a little spice and some red meat, it being the afternoon after all. So light the grill and throw on some stuffed sausages — the kind with apples or some other deliciousness packed in. And if the spice still isn’t enough (for us, it never is), horseradish-infused mustard. That stuff is delicious.
At 5 percent ABV, it keeps us going. And now — now that the sun is setting and it’s finally starting to cool down — pour that pint of rye on ice.
At $8.99 a 6-pack, we say invite a few friends.
Delicious beer news from TheDC
Victory Brewing Company likes to say that “hoppiness is happiness,” and in that spirit, they announced Ranch Double IPA. With this brew, they’re “differentiating from other hoppy beers we make … by focusing on hop aroma over hop bitterness and by changing up the hop varieties being used.”
On June 18, Stone Brewing Company began releasing a limited number of 12 oz. bottles of Stone Smoked Porter w/ Vanilla Bean and Stone Smoked Porter w/ Chipotle Peppers in select markets.
On July 9, In collaboration with Sierra Nevada, Russian River Brewing Company is releasing 750 ml bottles of BRUX — “a ‘domesticated wild ale,’ or an ale fermented with Belgian yeast, finished by a secondary bottle fermentation with Brettanomyces bruxellensis.” At just over 8 percent ABV, they describe their newest creation as “very dry, earthy, spicy and tasty.”
On June 29, the gang at Weyerbacher is unleashing their Sour Black – — a 5 percent ABV black ale aged in Pinot Noir wine barrels.
On July 16, Oregon’s Deschutes Brewery will follow its Missouri introduction by opening up the Kansas market for its Black Butte Porter and Mirror Pond Pale Ale.