Do you have any predictions for the Olympics? — Hillary
Regular or Special? I think Mary Lou Retton and Mitch Gaylord will clean up in gymnastics, and Carl Lewis, of course, will pave the streets with gold in track and field. Though I haven’t followed the Olympics closely since 1984. In the Special Olympics, I plan on romping in the 100 meter hurdles. It’s a little touch-and-go whether I qualify, though I think the Special Olympics Committee will let me in if they ever see me dance the Dougie.
What are the best strip clubs in DC? — Stephen
The Nordstrom dressing room at Pentagon City Mall is pretty good. It has a heavy cover charge, but I know the guy there who runs the one-way mirror. Ask for Mitch, and tell him I sent you.
Who would win in a fight between Tucker Carlson and Sandra Fluke? — Phillip
Tucker boxed in high school, and used to work at MSNBC, so he knows how to throw a punch and is accustomed to acts of gratuitous violence and treachery. But Fluke has a lethal figure-four-leglock, and is a notorious head-butter. So my money’s on Fluke to drop him like a buttered hot plate.
Matt, thoughts on Gary Johnson calling airport full-body scanners “rapist scans?” Agree or disagree? — Geoff
While dictionaries list multiple definitions for rape, including “the wanton destruction or spoiling of a place,” the last time I used the word in a non-traditional context (when referring to red-light and speed-camera tickets), I was pilloried for three days by Media Matters and other language-police meters maids. So based on personal unpleasant experience, I’d strongly suggest Gary Johnson call full-body scanners “non-consensual sex scans.” Just to be on the safe side.
What country should college grads emigrate to if Obama is reelected? — Meagan
Emigrate? Why would they want to do that? It’d be a huge mistake for them to ever leave the Land of Entitlements, especially if Obama is reelected. Considering their college degrees likely aren’t worth the paper they’re printed on in the new permanently depressed world-economy, they’re going to need someone to pickpocket the rich to keep them in beer money.
Matt Labash is a senior writer with the Weekly Standard magazine. His book, “Fly Fishing With Darth Vader: And Other Adventures with Evangelical Wrestlers, Political Hitmen, and Jewish Cowboys,” is now available in paperback from Simon and Schuster. Have a question for Matt Labash? Submit it to firstname.lastname@example.org