Would you rather: a) watch an actual tape of Hulk Hogan having sex or b) conjure up an imaginary sex tape starring Megan Fox?
If you chose the first option, you are in luck because there is a real live sex tape starring the 59-year-old former professional wrestler and the ex-wife of his BFF, radio host Bubba the Love Sponge, which is totally not cool.
Hogan’s lawyer, for one, isn’t taking this one lying down in a canopy bed: “This tape was made secretly without Hulk’s knowledge or permission,” David R. Houston told TMZ. “We are going to do everything in our power to figure out who did it. Anyone displaying the tape will be held accountable to the fullest extent of the law.”
The 30-minute video is gloriously recapped by A.J. Daulerio, and edited down to a one-minute highlight reel showing the wrestler’s blindingly white hair — sans doo rag — and the tan lines on his nether regions, if you must see them.
Unfortunately, you will have to imagine what a Megan Fox sex tape might be like.
After The Daily Caller was contacted earlier this week about the sale of an adult tape starring Fox, representatives for the actress have not confirmed or denied the existence of the tape. The owner of the alleged tape has not responded to TheDC’s questions about its authenticity or how much he or she wants for it.
UPDATE: Fox’s lawyers said in a comment to TheDC that “[t]hese allegations are absolutely and unequivocally false.”