As Mitt Romney and Barack Obama make one final, last-ditch effort to win the presidency, some Washington, D.C. and surrounding area folks are using Craigslist to make one last-ditch effort to find an election night companion for some adult entertainment.
Here are some of the best lines from personal ads seeking to relieve some stress from this seemingly never-ending campaign, “grown folks style”: [Ed. note: All quotations are verbatim from each listing and do not reflect The Daily Caller’s grasp of the English language.]
- This “professional male” is willing to shell out some big bucks on a hotel room for “one grown and sexy adult lady for food, drinks and election viewing and then some grown folks activities.” Not only is he easy on the eyes, but he can also “engage in meaningful conversation, will make you laugh and can provide the ultimate adult fulfillment!” Bonus points for ending his listing with a political allusion: “This ad has been approved by me!”
- One fine fellow is looking for an “election night stress reliever.” He is tired from working the phones for both Obama and Romney for some reason, and is willing to provide wine, food, a hotel room and a night of enjoyment for one slender lady. However, his listing comes with many stipulations. Not to sound too mean, but he DOES NOT dig larger women and has a “real disdain for venereal diseases.” He continues: “I am NOT a BBW [big, beautiful woman] lover. Never have been, never will be. Not what turns me on. So if you think your borderline in that regard, then you probably are. Please don’t respond. That may sound harsh, but it’s not intended to be. It’s simply my preference. After all, I’m buying dinner and the wine. Nuff said.” The best stipulation by far? “No partisan hacks allowed. Period.”
- This listing gets straight to the point in the subject line: “Any slutty Republican girls want to make a bet for election?” This upstanding fellow’s ad reads, “[l]ets make Tuesday’s election more exciting for other reasons. I’m a democrat, & I think it would be fun to bet a Republican GIRL, with a slutty side, on the result of the presidential election. I have some ideas…” Yeah, we bet you do.
- Ladies, this self-proclaimed “pleaser” has the entire day off from work on Tuesday and would like to give “an erotic Tantric Massage to a lovely lady. Then whatever you would like – I’m a pleaser.” Sounds like a real winner.
- One dude that is seeking a white or Hispanic woman (because he knows they are “the BEST”) has a really good reason for seeking a Craigslist relationship: “[T]oday is Nov.4 and it is Election week, and we are recovering from Hurricane Sandy.” So why not give him a chance?
- A lady in the D.C. area asks if you “want to drown your sorrows” on election night. She and a friend are planning to hit up a bar because they both “need to flirt a bit during this harrowing time.” The woman doesn’t list her political affiliation in the ad, so we’re not quite sure which way she leans, but it’s safe to say she’s up to throw a few back.