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Top 10 ridiculous White House ‘We the People’ petitions, part 2

Photo of David Martosko
David Martosko
Executive Editor

News flash: It’s actually harder than it was a few days ago to pick the ten funniest White House “We the People” petitions.

Spurred by the closed-circuit yuk-yuk chambers of Reddit, Fark and other virtual locker rooms, America’s wannabe standup comics don’t seem to have wearied of turning political theater into Internet farce. (RELATED: White House “secede” petitions reach 50-state participation)

State-level petitions asking for licenses to secede from the Union had attracted more than 846,000 signatures by Thursday evening. But the real action continues to be found in petitions about punching anti-tax crusader Grover Norquist in the crotch, turning Joe Biden into Guy Fieri’s sidekick on “Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives,” and legalizing “crystal weed.” (RELATED: Top 10 ridiculous White House ‘We the People’ petitions, part 1)

But that was Part 1. These ten very real White House petitions represent the newest ideas America’s snarkiest political minds have to offer.

#10: Someone has watched a few too many James Bond movies

“We ask that the Obama administration press the big red button and nuke everything. Good guys, bad guys, civilians, Belgium, everything. We’ll handle the canned food, you handle the nukes. Ok? Ok.”

#9: Obama promised unicorns and rainbows, but no lollipops

“Come on Mr. President, you have one month to meet our demands or I will sell a dragon to the petitioners from Texas. That’s when shit gets real.”

#8: The fiscal cliff demands a “balanced” solution, so why not?

“Make Friday officially part of the weekend, creating a more balanced 4-day workweek and 3-day weekend. The workweek is unbalanced.”