The weakest of the weak: 10 White House petitions that never got off the ground

How many signatures could you get in three days on a petition to outlaw navel lint? How about a proposal to let Herman Cain host Saturday Night Live? If you thought at least 150 Americans would endorse an attempt to name Velveeta the official cheese of New Jersey, you’d be surprised to know how many serious White House petitions haven’t gotten that far.

Here’s a collection of ten earnest petitions on WhiteHouse.gov — some interesting, others disgusting — that have been in circulation for at least three days without collecting 150 signatures. That’s the minimum number required before the Obama administration will add a petition to the website for the public to see. (RELATED: Petition asks for presidential Hokey Pokey)

This may be the only place you’ll ever see them, but the White House hasn’t deleted any of them — even though a few will make you want to take a shower after reading them. (#1 is wrong on so, so many levels.)

So if any of these ideas tickles your fancy, you might want to add your signature. Along with just a few dozen of your new friends.

#10: Draft a proposal to have the USA and the Russian Federation joined into a military and economic union
Days: 5
Signatures: 1

“Americans, as citizens of a prosperous country, in my opinion, would benefit effusively if the US Government were to put forward a proposition to form an alliance with the Russian Federation that would form both countries’ military forces into one entity. It would also better the USA’s foreign relations with the R.F., which would, in turn, increase trade with the R.F.”

#9: This petition is for the Polyamorous to be allowed to be recognized as legal relationships within the United States
Days: 8
Signatures: 105

“Polyamorous relationships can be of: Polygyny – One male with multiple Wives; Polyandry – One female with multiple Husbands; Triad – a Couple who is dating a third Person; Quad – A relationship between two couples; Open relationships / Open marriages”

#8: Be Truthful on suppressed Technology, and to stop lying and Denying the existence of extra-terrestrial and there [sic] Crafts
Days: 8
Signatures: 4

“Word comes from New Mexico to researchers that Los Alamos has developed an antimatter weapon, which allegedly will be used as a last resort if ‘the Greys cannot be pried away from the planet.’ The number of Greys on Earth is estimated at 20 million, this is very real problem. That must be addressed.”