Neiman Marcus knows what you should get your family for Christmas

Neiman Marcus knows exactly what gifts you should give your loved ones for Christmas this year.

The luxury department store published its annual “fantasy gifts” catalogue that includes items like a $99,000 jetpackhis-and-hers matching watches and a trip to Paris for one million dollars. A $354,000 limited edition McClaren Spider and a $70,000 print of an owl (it’s not even an original painting) are also included.

Neiman’s also suggests that you purchase this $150,000 kitschy tailgating wagon, because nothing says “America!” and “football!” like pulling up to Gillette Stadium with this:

(Don’t do that; you would certainly get your ass kicked.)

The fantasy gift catalogue is also selling the opportunity for you to walk on a Broadway stage for $30,000 during a production of “Annie.” The package also includes dinner with the producer and director and six theater tickets, but you’ll have to cough up your own money for your first-class plane tickets and a stay at The Ritz. Sorry!

For just a quarter of a million dollars, you can host a 10-person dinner created for you and your guests by renowned chefs Daniel Boulud, Thomas Keller, Jerome Bocuse, and Richard Rosendale. The gourmands will come and cook a feast in your kitchen, and each guest will received a personalized, engraved bottle of premium tequila, because why not?

The most ridiculous gift of them all is perhaps the $100,000 “Heritage Hen Mini Farm,” a literal henhouse for up to three to 10 hens, because people who live on actual farms that raise chickens would definitely want to keep the animals that their livelihood depends on in something as practical as this:

Here are the first couple sentences of the product description (this is not a joke): “Dawn breaks. The hens descend from their bespoke Versailles-inspired Le Petit Trianon house to their playground below for a morning wing stretch…Your custom-made multilevel dwelling features a nesting area, a ‘living room’ for nighttime roosting, a broody room, a library filled with chicken and gardening books for visitors of the human kind, and, of course, an elegant chandelier.”

You love your friends, right? So why not let them know it this year by gifting them a chicken coup with a chandelier. And if you really love your wife, you’ll pay one million dollars for matching watches and a trip to Paris.

(But if you are pissed at one of your friends, give them the tailgating wagon and suggest they take it to the next Pittsburgh Steelers game.)

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