After a summer of stalking the Kennedy family by holding hands with high schooler Conor Kennedy, country singer Taylor Swift, 22, reportedly fell very swiftly (get it?) into the arms of One Direction’s Harry Styles, 18, when things ended with the Deerfield Academy junior in October.
According to UK’s The Sun, Swift — a woman in her early twenties — is the new Yoko Ono and is causing a rift between the British boy band after Styles — a teenager — ditched his bandmates to fly on Swift’s private jet from New York City to London over the weekend. (Come on, can you really blame the guy? Private jets are really the only way to travel. Everyone knows this.)
For a woman-child who paints a picture of innocence in all her A-line dresses, high necklines, blonde bangs and saccharine-sweet lyrics, Swift really gets around.
Here is a roundup of Swift’s (alleged) boyfriends over the past few years, ranging from the barely legal pool to much older and more disgusting — (cough) John Mayer (cough).
Swift’s first public romance was with the only attractive Jonas Brother, Joe Jonas, in 2008. The two were both appropriately aged 18 and 19, respectively. This Jo Bro was the first to have a bitter song written about him, with Swift’s scathing “Forever and Always.”
John Mayer was Swift’s rebound after the Jonas heartbreak circa 2009, when she was 19 and he was 32. 1) Gross. 2) Gross.
Swift was then linked to Taylor Lautner, who is the target of many a gay rumor since he just sort of gives off that vibe, and Cory Monteith, who is also the victim of many a gay rumor since he stars on “Glee.” (He now dates “Glee” costar Lea Michelle.)
Then there were the Jake Gyllenhaal photo-ops of 2010, when Swift and the older actor were seen holding hands a lot and drinking coffee. Swift’s latest hit, “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” is allegedly about Gyllenhaal, because apparently he did not want to simply “hit it and quit it” (as the kids say) and kept trying to get back together with her even though he didn’t like her lousy music. (Again, can you really blame the guy?)
Conor Kennedy was Swift’s next victim, and the two were photographed kissing in quaint New England towns all the summer of 2012 long. But Swift got bored with him — maybe because he is not of legal drinking age? — and reportedly dumped his ass two months ago, and now she is messing with the all-important group dynamic of One Direction by manipulating Harry Styles with her private plane. (Styles is not of legal drinking age in the United States, but is in his English homeland.)
In conclusion: Not only does Taylor Swift get around, she is now responsible for the downfall of one of the greatest bands to have ever come out of the United Kingdom. (If you know what One Direction sings, please, tell us in the comments below. We have no idea.)