If the world ends on Dec. 21, who wouldn’t want to go out on a high note?
Americans from Los Angeles to New York City are using Craigslist personal ads to seek end-of-the world sex buddies, just in case the Mayans turn out to be right. Here are some of the best ads out there. (Make haste! The clock is ticking.)
- A gentleman in the Washington, D.C. area has an enticing offer for one lucky woman: “Meet me for your LAST DRINK EVER and we can move quickly to your last random, Devil may care sexual encounter EVER!! Well, maybe. ;-)” Ladies, at least he seems skeptical about the end of the world, so that’s a good sign.
- One Virginian asks in the subject line, “If the world ends tonight at midnight…” and the first sentence of the ad reads, “What better place to be than my arms? I’m looking for a date tonight with the possibility of benefits for both of us… Dinner, drinks, laughing, crying, reminiscing about our short time together and some fantastic adult playtime before bed.” He is also down with just cuddling if you don’t want to do anything X-rated. Sounds like a winner!
- Up in New Jersey, this guy is willing to shell out some cash for a hotel room on the eve of the apocalypse: “So the Mayans say this Friday we’re done for. I was hoping to meet up with a woman interested in spending a few hours in a hotel room getting to know each other…The worst that can happen is we go down to the front desk and extend our stay another day or so.” He’s right. That’s the absolute worst possible thing that can come out of a Craigslist personal ad.
- This Manhattanite wants to get down before the apocalypse, but he is confusing the Mayan apocalypse with the zombie apocalypse (which comes much later): “When the world ends on Dec 21st and I go to meet my maker, I’d rather not do it alone. I mean the line to the Pearly Gates will definitely be going around the block and if I’m going to be stuck there for 1000 years I’d like to have someone to talk to. Plus, in case the end of the world takes the form of a zombie apocalypse, I figure I’ll need someone to toss to the zombie hordes as I make my escape.” What a great guy! If things go sour, he will use you as a human shield.
- This guy in Los Angeles gets straight to the point in the first sentence of his ad: “Friday is the end of the world, and it might as well end with me spanking you.” The doomsday believer continues, “I like gags, restraints, spanking/discipline, objectification, sex and orgasm control. I know what I’m doing. I’m single, white, funny, highly educated, d/d free and I love women. I’m not opposed to someone curvy. And yes, I am well hung.”
- In San Bernadino, an inexperienced young man suggests in the subject line of his ad, “lets have sex before the apocalypse day (;”, but he gets pretty specific in the ad (and he seriously loves the emoticons): ”im a asian guy 5’5 130 lbs lookin for a fun sex before the world ends/ u must host or car fun/ lookin for a cute white/latino/asian girl/ no offense but please no black/bbw/ u must lead me on cuz i have no experience on this (;”
- If you have a heart and live in the Chicago area, please, for the love of God, help this 19-year-old virgin out. The subject of his ad gets right down to it, “don’t want to die a virgin on 12/21/12.” His ad is admirably straightforward, and he has a very liberal age range: “so the apocalypse is coming up, and I figure it’s as good a time as any for me to finally lose it. young, fit, college boy, seeking someone my age to 35, serious inquiries only!”
Ladies, gentlemen, if you are seeking a sex partner for the end of the world, look no farther than the Craigslist personal ads in your area.