Ask Matt Labash

Ask Matt Labash: Poison Apple, the death of books, and how to live responsibly by being irresponsible

No, campaigns and the players who populate them come and go, and are quickly forgotten. But the fish you will catch in southwest Virginia exist outside of time. At least until Apple folds its manufacturing plants in China, and brings them home to some hillbilly haven like southwest Virginia in order to take advantage of cheap American labor (which by then will consist mainly of former writers who can’t make a living off of e-singles), so that their death factories can pump poison into our rivers, thus killing all the fish. In other words, better shirk your duty and fish while the fishing is good. Sometimes the only responsible thing to do is the irresponsible one. And needing to clear your head, while a sign of weakness to some, is not only sensible, but necessary. Don’t be surprised if it makes whatever you write about Santorum and the butter cow even better. As Edgar Allan Poe once wrote in a non e-single, “They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.”

Hey, Matt, now that the fiscal cliff has been averted (sort of), what are you going to buy with your middle class tax cut? – Emily Long

You mean what am I not going to buy with my middle-class tax hike? As the payroll-tax holiday expiring now represents thousands of dollars that were formerly mine now riding in the federal government’s pocket. Which is comforting, since I’m sure they’ll be good stewards of it, as they are with the $3.5 billion in debt they rack up each day. It’s the same kind of comfort I derived from my pyromaniac cousin getting a box of Fatwood and a Zippo for Christmas. So the answer is I won’t be buying much. Though if I can scrounge enough change from under the sofa cushions, perhaps I’ll prop up the economy by buying an e-single.

Matt Labash is a senior writer with the Weekly Standard magazine. His book, “Fly Fishing With Darth Vader: And Other Adventures with Evangelical Wrestlers, Political Hitmen, and Jewish Cowboys,” is now available in paperback from Simon and Schuster. Have a question for Matt Labash? Submit it here.