In his closing monologue on Friday night’s “Real Time,” Bill Maher marked the occasion of Pope Benedict’s resignation to do what he does best: rail against organized religion, particularly the Catholic Church.
“And finally — new rule: Hey Catholics, newsflash — if the Pope can quit, it’s OK for you to quit, too,” Maher said. “As you all know, this week Pope Benedict told Vatican radio — you know Vatican radio, playing the hits from the 8th century, the 9th century and today — Benedict told them he was going to resign because the church needs a fresh young face somewhere other than a priest’s lap.”
According Maher, Catholics that adhere to actual Catholic Church doctrine are declining in number.
“[I]f you’re Catholic and you don’t follow anything the Church says, what are you staying for, the stained glass windows?” he said. “It’s OK to let go. No one can fault you for losing faith in an organization that won’t even allow women as priests, because, the reasoning goes, Jesus didn’t have any female apostles. Yeah, you remember The Last Supper, a total sausage party. The fact is that any enterprise that excludes women almost always descends into sexual deviancy, at least at my bathhouse. Whether it’s the Boy Scouts, the Penn State locker room, or on Wall Street, sooner or later a bunch of innocent folks get fucked.”
“This church needs a woman pope,” Maher continued. “Hillary Clinton just finished up her stint as secretary of state. Oh yeah, maybe Pope Hillary could clean up the church. If there’s anyone who knows how to handle a guy who can’t keep his hands to himself, it’s her. … Plus, she’s practiced at hearing confessions, and, of course, she’s celibate.”