The Daily Caller

The Daily Caller

Why does anyone need to read about celebrities?

Ann Coulter
Political Commentator

Having given up on trying to persuade Americans that taking guns away from law-abiding citizens will reduce the murder rate, Democrats have turned to their usual prohibitionary argument: “Why does anyone need (an assault weapon, a 30-round magazine, a semiautomatic, etc., etc.)?”

Phony conservative Joe Manchin, who won his U.S. Senate seat in West Virginia with an ad showing him shooting a gun, said, “I don’t know anyone (who) needs 30 rounds in a clip.”

CNN’s Don Lemon, who does not fit the usual profile of the avid hunter and outdoorsman, demanded, “Who needs an assault rifle to go hunting?”

Fantasist Dan Rather said, “There is no need to have these high-powered assault weapons.”

And prissy Brit Piers Morgan thought he’d hit on a real showstopper with, “I don’t know why anyone needs an assault rifle.” Of course, where he comes from, policemen carry wooden sticks.

Since when do Americans have to give the government an explanation for why they “need” something? If that’s the test, I can think of a whole list of things I don’t know why anyone needs.

I don’t know why anyone needs to burn an American flag at a protest. The point could be made just as well verbally.

I don’t know why anyone needs to read about the private lives of celebrities. Why can’t we shut down the gossip rags?

I don’t know why anyone needs to vote. One vote has never made a difference in any federal election.

I don’t know why anyone needs to bicycle in a city.

I don’t know why anyone needs to have anal sex at a bathhouse. I won’t stop them, but I don’t know why anyone needs to do that.

I don’t know why anyone needs to go hiking in national parks, where they’re constantly falling off cliffs, being buried in avalanches and getting lost — all requiring taxpayer-funded rescue missions.

I don’t know why Karen Finley needs to smear herself with chocolate while reading poems about “love.” But not only do Democrats allow that, they made us pay for it through the National Endowment for the Arts.

In fact, I don’t know why anyone needs to do any of the things that offend lots of people, especially when I have to pay for it. I don’t mind paying for national monuments and the ballet, but if “need” is a legitimate argument, there’s no end to the activities that can be banned, forget “not subsidized by Ann.”

Democrats are willing to make gigantic exceptions to the “need” rule for things they happen to personally like. Their position is: “I don’t know why anyone needs to hunt; on the other hand, I do see why your tax dollars should be used to subsidize partial-birth abortion, bicycle lanes and the ballet.”

They’ll say that no one died in my examples (except abortion) (and bicycling) (and bathhouses) (and national parks), but the victims of mass shootings weren’t killed by gun owners. They were killed by crazy people.