What’s more all-American than a little toot-toot, and a little beep-beep, while running your hands through your ‘fro, bouncin’ on 24’s? That’s why it’s high time this country modernize into the future and adopt a new national anthem — or so say the people behind the latest White House petition.
In a new “We the People” petition, the clever individuals ask that the national anthem be changed to the timeless R. Kelly classic “Remix to Ignition.”
“We, the undersigned, would like the Obama administration to recognize the need for a new national anthem, one that even a decade after its creation, is still hot and fresh out the kitchen,” the petition says.
“America has changed since Francis Scott Key penned our current anthem in 1814,” the petition argues. “Since then, we have realized that after the show, it’s the afterparty, and that after the party, it’s the hotel lobby, and–perhaps most importantly–that ’round about four, you’ve got to clear the lobby, at which point it’s strongly recommended that you take it to the room and freak somebody.”
Unfortunately, the petition has just over 1,000 signatures — 99,000 short of the required signatures needed for the administration to actually consider the petition by April 2.
This is what our national anthem could become if 99,000 of you step up to the plate and just sign the damn petition already: