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1.) No moderates need apply — The Homeland Security Department is courageously fighting back against the scourge of … Muslim reformers. What? Charles Johnson reports for TheDC:
“The Department of Homeland Security, which under Secretary Janet Napolitano has shown a keen interest in monitoring and warning about outspoken conservatives, takes a very different approach in monitoring political Islamists, according to a 2011 memo on protecting the free speech rights of pro-sharia Muslim supremacists. In a checklist obtained by The Daily Caller entitled ‘Countering Violent Extremism Dos and Don’ts’ the DHS’s Office of Civil Rights and Civil Liberties notifies local and national law enforcement officials that it is Obama administration policy to consider specifically Islamic criticism of the American system of government legitimate. …The checklist also advised against using moderate Muslim ‘trainers who are self-professed Muslim reformers’ because they ‘may further an interest group agenda instead of delivering generally accepted, unbiased information.'”
Speaking of reform, the Department of Homeland Security could apparently use some.
2.) Here comes Tancredo? — A blast from the recent past may again run for governor in Colorado. The Daily Caller News Foundation’s Greg Campbell reports:
“Former Colorado Republican Rep. Tom Tancredo — most recently known for throwing the 2010 Colorado gubernatorial race into disarray when he dumped the GOP and ran as maverick third-party candidate — is once again considering running for the state’s highest office. Popular among conservatives because of his strict stances against illegal immigration and for gun rights but blamed by others as being among the factors causing the state GOP to implode, Tancredo’s testing of the waters has been met with mixed reactions. ‘I don’t know who’s more concerned about this possibility, the Republicans or the Democrats,’ Tancredo quipped on 630 KHOW radio Thursday morning.”
Coloradans recently voted to legalize marijuana. When TheDC Morning thinks of someone a state that voted to legalize weed would elect as governor, Tom Tancredo doesn’t immediately jump to mind.
3.) Reining in witches’ crafts — A country is finally taking the threat of flying witches seriously. Betsi Fores reports for The Daily Caller News Foundation:
“In the country of Swaziland, witches are no longer allowed to fly higher than 150 meters in the air, lest they be subject to arrest and heavy fines. According to a report by the Civil Aviation Authority, broomsticks are considered similar to heavier-than-air transportation devices, and therefore are subject to this regulation. ‘A witch on a broomstick should not fly above the [150-metre] limit,’ Civil Aviation Authority marketing and corporate affairs director Sabelo Dlamini said.”
This is not satire. This is real. Also real, sadly, is the average life expectancy in Swaziland: 48.
4.) Inside the Paul family feud — TheDC’s Jamie Weinstein and Will Rahn have another astounding satirical scoop, this time a fake email exchange between Rand and Ron Paul. In the faux emails, Rand Paul writes to his father:
“While I appreciate your interest in helping me launch my presidential campaign, we need to talk about some of these staffers you’ve sent over. I understand they’re all committed loyalists and friends of the family but, at the suggestion of my political team, I’ve decided to let them go. I need your help doing this, as they don’t “recognize my authority” and are now squatting in my Louisville office while they await your instructions. The security personnel all appear to be members of a biker gang, and I think the speechwriter you sent over is an honest-to-God sea pirate. This is all impossible to verify, however, as none of them will give me their real names. Also, the press secretary you hired on my behalf — whom I know only as “Colonel Sven” — refuses to trim his beard or wear anything but an old Rhodesian army uniform. I worry about the message this appearance will send to reporters and voters, particularly if current demographic trends continue.”
Read the full email exchange and be stunned … by laughter (hopefully).
6.) Today in North Korean News — BREAKING: “Japan Urged to Redeem Its Past Crimes”