The Daily Caller

The Daily Caller

Keith Olbermann looks for a job: The secret emails revealed

After a year off the air, Keith Olbermann has been emailing the heads of various TV networks looking for a job, including Phil Griffin at MSNBC, Emir Al Thani at Al-Jazeera and Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe state television. The Daily Caller has obtained these exchanges, and they are reprinted here for the first time, in their entirety, and without comment.

FROM: Keith Olbermann
TO: Phil Griffin, MSNBC President
DATE: May 14, 2013

Dear Phil,

It’s been a while, my friend. But as English poet and playwright Thomas Haynes Bayly once wrote in his 1844 masterpiece Isle of Beauty, “absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

I know we had our tiffs and tantrums and I don’t think it is worth revisiting who or what was to blame for the series of unfortunate events that led to us parting ways. But I think we would both agree that for a period of time, as David Bowie might say, we were heroes, for more than one day.

Frankly, Phil, I’ve been doing some introspection since I left Current TV a year ago. After an extended and ultimately depressive junket to the brothels of Moldova, I wallowed in my apartment for several weeks, longing for the warm embrace of the camera.

The short of the letter is this, Phil: I bought a house in the Catskills a few months ago. In its basement I’ve started to host a nightly show to get into playing shape. I invite locals to come on as guests. I’m particularly fond of the local Orange Julius cashier. He’s talented — maybe another Maddow. But I’m getting off topic.

Take me back, Phil. I know you’ve heard I’ve been looking around. I want back in the game. I can’t say I’ll be perfect, but you have my sacred word that there’ll be no more carrying a whip to punish my staff for looking me in the eyes. You can count on that.

In humility and love,

Keith Theodore Olbermann

Cornell Class of 1979

FROM: Phil Griffin
TO: Keith Olbermann
DATE: May 14, 2013

Keith!

So good to hear from you. I was actually just going over our expenses with some of the finance folks. Did you know a full 10 percent of our operating budget still goes to grief counseling for your former staffers? Now that’s a legacy!

Now you may be surprised to hear that we actually considered offering you a job after your gig at that Al Gore network fell apart. I brought it up with some of our on-air talent, and I feel I should tell you that their reaction was decidedly mixed. Rachel Maddow threatened to quit. Ezra Klein began shaking and crying. Chris Matthews, on the other hand, said he missed your weekly visits to an establishment called “Pandora’s Box” in Chelsea. After he explained what that is and what you two used to do there, I suspended him for three days at the suggestion of our legal department.

So, Keith, I’m afraid the answer is no. You can’t have a job here, and 30 Rock security has been instructed to detain you on sight if they ever catch you in the building. Might I suggest trying for a job at Al-Jazeera? I here they’re hiring!

With Every Good Wish,

Phil Griffin