The tea party’s only move: Stop John Boehner

When Chuck Schumer entered public service, David was still the king of Israel. And Pontius Pilate once discussed the pros and cons of public crucifixion with John McCain. These men have records. The American national debt has more than septupled on their collective watch. When either McCain or Schumer insists that a matter is urgent, you should put your hand on your wallet. When they get together and announce that they have a comprehensive solution, grab a rifle.

I can’t tell you what’s in the immigration bill. Neither can anyone else. It’s 1,200 pages long and written in Klingon. No one who voted for it has read it. But on “Fox News Sunday” last week, Chuck Schumer said he’s worried that if this bill doesn’t pass, the GOP will soon become a regional party. That’s right: Chuck Schumer is looking out for the Republican Party’s future. And as utterly insane as that is, here’s the kicker: the GOP is falling for it.

John Boehner says House Republicans will come up with their own bill. He must be stopped.

Think of the Senate immigration bill as a syphilitic, two-headed, fire-breathing she-monster. And whatever the House comes up with will be a pig-faced cyclops with flipper-hands. And those two hell-beasts will be married in an unholy ceremony called “committee.” The worst attributes of each will metastasize and morph into a conglomerate demon-spawn which will rule over American immigration for the next three generations.

And all of this is happening amidst an IRS investigation that threatens the federal government’s fundamental authority. At present, Congress doesn’t have the political capital to rename a post office. And they’re trying to sell us another 1,000+ page, comprehensive bill?

America does have an immigration problem, but it’s an old problem. Recent estimates suggest that the problem is diminished due to our abysmal economy. As for the GOP’s dire need for the Hispanic vote, Byron York obliterated that call to action. In truth, there is nothing that makes a new law especially urgent at this moment. Anyone suggesting that our immigration mess needs to be fixed immediately by the least trustworthy federal government in a century deserves, at best, a pie in the face.

But progress continues its creep.

As you are reading this, left-wing activists are whispering in John Boehner’s ear. Every hour, every day, they are whispering terms like landmark and historic and your place in history. They are flattering Boehner. They are reassuring him. And all the while, they are suggesting tweaks and exceptions and special circumstances that deserve consideration and attention in the House immigration bill.

The problem is that those are the only voices whispering in Boehner’s ear. The tea party doesn’t send lobbyists to D.C.