Election 2016 is just three short years away, so it’s time for political “reporters” to sharpen up their hatchets and start going after any potential Republican candidates. Patricia Murphy at the Daily Beast does not disappoint:
When Craig Mazin first met his freshman roommate, Rafael Edward Cruz, he knew the 17-year-old Texan was not like other students at Princeton, or probably anywhere else for that matter.
“I remember very specifically that he had a book in Spanish and the title was Was Karl Marx a Satanist? And I thought, who is this person?” Mazin says of Ted Cruz. “Even in 1988, he was politically extreme in a way that was surprising to me…”
In addition to Mazin… several fellow classmates who asked that their names not be used described the young Cruz with words like “abrasive,” “intense,” “strident,” “crank,” and “arrogant…”
“I would end up fielding the [girls’] complaints: ‘Could you please keep your roommate out of our hallway?’” Mazin says…
Craig Mazin said he knew some people might be afraid to speak in the press about a senator, but added of Cruz, “We should be afraid that someone like that has power.”
And the idea that his freshman roommate could someday be the leader of the free world? “I would rather have anybody else be the president of the United States. Anyone,” Mazin said. “I would rather pick somebody from the phone book.”
Can’t say that’s a bad idea, actually.
Although… Well, Murphy fails to mention something about Mazin. Maybe it doesn’t matter? It’s just that he’s a Hollywood producer and screenwriter. Here’s a partial list of Mazin’s achievements in the film industry thus far:
If you can find another Princeton graduate with a finer cinematic oeuvre, you just go ahead and let us know. This is the guy they brought in when they realized The Hangover wasn’t funny enough. He sure fixed that problem!
In the meantime, all Ted Cruz has done with his life is become Solicitor General of Texas — the youngest in the United States and the first Hispanic to hold that position in Texas — an Associate Deputy Attorney General at the DoJ, a United States Senator, and probably some other boring crap.
If you haven’t seen the second and third Hangover movies, here are my favorite film critics, Mike Stoklasa and Jay Bauman at Red Letter Media, discussing them on their movie review show Half in the Bag.
[WARNING: FOUL LANGUAGE, RAMPANT SELF-LOATHING, AND MORE EMPTY BEER BOTTLES THAN YOU'VE SEEN IN ONE PLACE SINCE COLLEGE]
It’s like they’re saying that if you wanted a better script for the inevitable Hangover 4, you’d be better off picking somebody from the phone book.
Well, too bad, bitches, because Mazin’s movies have made hundreds of millions of dollars. How much money have Ted Cruz’s movies made? Take your time, teabaggers.
Nope? Nothin’? Didn’t think so. Advantage: Mazin.
Update: Oh, and don’t bother asking about Obama’s college roommates and acquaintances. We’ve been through that already: It’s racist, you racists.