Satire

How Ben Affleck got cast as the new Batman

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Taylor Bigler
Entertainment Editor

August 21, 2013

9:14 a.m. PST

From: Warner Bros. Casting Department

Hey Zack,

We really need to lock this Batman thing up, buddy. Can you just pick someone already? We really don’t even care who it is at this point.

August 21, 2013

12:47 p.m. PST

From: Zack Snyder

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

August 21, 2013

12:49 p.m. PST

From: Warner Bros. Casting Department

Seriously, Zack. Just throw out some names and we will help you on this one. We really need to announce someone by tomorrow. Just about any name will do.

August 21, 2013

1:30 p.m. PST

From: Zack Snyder

ryan gosling

August 21, 2013

1:31 p.m. PST

From: Warner Bros. Casting Department

Gosling’s not available. Try again.

August 21, 2013

3:25 p.m. PST

From: Zack Snyder

clooney

August 21, 2013

3:26 p.m. PST

From: Warner Bros. Casting Department

We just got off the phone with George. He said, “I won’t make the same mistake twice” and hung up.

August 21, 2013

6: 45 p.m. PST

From: Warner Bros. Casting Department

Zack? Hello? Come on, man.

August 21, 2013

11:17 p.m. PST

From: Zack Snyder

sorry i’ve been on a really crucial WoW raid all day. they really needed me on this one. jennifer garner?

August 21, 2013

11:19 p.m. PST

From: Warner Bros. Casting Department

Jennifer Garner is a woman. Batman has to be a man.

August 21, 2013

11:35 p.m. PST

From: Zack Snyder

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. casey affleck. he was so moving in gone baby gone.

August 21, 2013

11:36 p.m. PST

From: Warner Bros. Casting Department

Casey won’t do a blockbuster.

August 22, 2013

12:15 a.m. PST

From: Zack Snyder

ben?

August 22, 2013

12:16 a.m. PST

From: Warner Bros. Casting Department

You mean Ben Affleck of Gigli and Daredevil? Zack, you are a goddamn genius.

DONE.

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