Now that “Breaking Bad” and (possibly) Walter White are coming to an end, his apologists are coming out of the woodwork. Many fans are being all “Team Walt” (including the actress who played Jane!) and view him as a sympathetic character.
I have to admit that last week’s penultimate episode, which featured Walt essentially dying up in a cabin in New Hampshire all by himself, left me a little teary eyed. But just because the show is nearly over and Walt is likely a goner doesn’t make up for the fact that he is responsible for a lot of bad deeds — including the deaths of a whole bunch of innocent people!
So before “Breaking Bad” cuts to black for the last time this Sunday and Walt dies in a blaze of gunfire courtesy of the Nazis or the DEA or Jesse or from poisoning himself or from lung cancer, let us remember all the deaths Walter White/ Heisenberg is responsible for, either directly or indirectly.
1. Aww, remember Emilio, Walt’s first murder victim? It’s so cute how Walt was just a lowly chemistry teacher who poisoned this drug dealer who, let’s face it, probably deserved it! Those were the good ol’ days.
2. Walt couldn’t very well keep Krazy-8 alive, could he? After all, he did try to shank Walt with a broken plate.
3. So Hank is actually the one who pulled the trigger on Tuco. But if it weren’t for Walt, Hank would have never gone out to the desert in search for this “Heisenberg” character. And, yes, Tuco was a murderous drug dealer and he also probably deserved it.
4. Walt’s first innocent victim was Jane! Technically, Jane died from asphyxiating on her own vomit after a drug overdose, but Walt just stood there and watched as she died and did nothing to save her life, even though he easily could have.
170-171. After Jane died, Jane’s father — who was an air traffic controller — couldn’t concentrate and therefore caused two planes to crash in the air, killing 167 people on board. He couldn’t live with himself after the death of his daughter and the inadvertent manslaughter of 167 passengers, so he killed himself. Walt went from three drug dealers to 169 innocent people really quickly!
171-172. Walt killed two drug dealers who were using kids to peddle their meth for them. Did these guys probably deserve it? Definitely. Walt is racking up a pretty nice tally, and it’s only season three!
173. Jesse was the one who pulled the trigger on sweet Gale, the libertarian chemist. But he did it under Walt’s orders after Walt convinced Jesse that it was Gus who poisoned Brock. But he did it because Walt convinced him that Gus would kill Walt because he had no use for him. He’s a clever one, that Walt.
174. Gus is the guy who took the box cutter to Victor’s throat. But he did that to teach Walt a lesson about who is boss, and Victor wouldn’t have died at the hands of Gus if it weren’t for Walt.
174-177. Walt really didn’t like Gus, so he orchestrated his murder. (And no, I will NOT use the image of Gus with half a face. I hate it.) The wheelchair-bound Tio Salamanca also perished in the explosion, as did Gus’ henchman, Tyrus.
178-179. Walt shoots and kills two of Gus’ guards who are holding Jesse hostage in the superlab. Walt and Jesse then blow up the superlab. RIP superlab.*
180. Poor Mike was just too much of a liability for Walt, so he had to cap the poor, old grandpa. Let’s never forget Mike’s final, perfect words to Walt: “Shut the fuck up. Let me die in peace.”
181-191. Walt has nine prisoners (and their lawyer) killed in just two minutes.
192-193. Sure, the Nazis killed Hank and Gomez, but that is only because of EVERY SINGLE THING that Walt has done since the very first episode.
194-195. Todd (ugh, TODD) shoots and kills Andrea — and probably Brock. This is also all because of Walt.
Congrats, Walt! You are responsible for the deaths of nearly 200 people, including many innocents and children. I really hope that you are redeemed and reunited with your family in the final episode, because you really were just doing this all for your family and it isn’t your fault. It’s Gretchen and Elliot and cancer’s fault!
OH, WAIT. NOT REALLY. You get what’s coming to you, buddy.
(*Not included: Tuco’s henchmen, Tuco’s cousins, Andrea’s brother, the illegal immigrants, Drew Sharp, Declan & co., and all the unknown people who have probably overdosed on Walt’s blue meth. While related to Heisenberg’s world, these deaths happened independently of Walt’s direct actions. Also not included: all of the people who die in the last episode.)
*Treacher pointed out that I missed the two guards that Walt kills in the superlab. There are too many murders to keep track of!