Entertainment

How to safely deep fry a turkey (two blocks from the White House)

The past year has been a great year for The Daily Caller, and this Thanksgiving our staff has many things to be thankful for, including President Barack Obama, Jay Carney, HealthCare.gov, Mitch McConnell, turtles, Fred Upton, Kate Upton and horses.

We decided to have a small Thanksgiving pregame celebration at the office on Tuesday. But since we don’t have an oven at the office, we want nothing but the best for our staff, and we tend to like activities that could end in disaster, preparing a juicy and delicious fried turkey on a downtown D.C. sidewalk was the only way to go.

As many of you know, frying turkeys can be a hazardous activity, as chronicled in hilariously sad YouTube clips (here, here, here, here, or do this search). We’re even willing to bet that some of our readers have starred in a couple of these videos.

In light of the numerous mishaps that can be found all over the Interwebs, we decided to create a quick how-to guide to safely fry a turkey (on a D.C. sidewalk).

1. Make sure your turkey is completely thawed.

Either buy a fresh turkey, or make sure that you have let your frozen turkey thaw or brine for at least 12 hours.

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2. Brine your turkey.

You can do this in your cooking pot, in a cooler, or your sink. Just leave your turkey submerged in cold water with plenty of salt and whatever spices you like. For example, if you use paprika, it will make the skin nice and spicy.

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3. Measure the oil level in the pot.

Do this by inserting your turkey into the frying pot, and submerging it in just enough water to completely cover the turkey. Then remove your turkey and take note of the water level, this is where you should fill your oil too. Most pots also have a MAX OIL LEVEL mark — don’t go above this.

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4. Preheat your oil.

Different oils have different ideal temperatures, but as a rule of thumb, if it’s smoking it’s too hot, and if the residual water from the oil-testing process is not boiling out, it’s too cold. Other more sophisticated devices such as thermometers have been useful in the past.

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5. Insert the turkey into the pot.

Hopefully you correctly measured your oil, your turkey is completely thawed, and you are a safe distance (10 feet) from buildings and other flammable structures. But just as a precaution, turn the burner off while you are inserting the turkey, this way if some of the oil spills it won’t ignite. Slowly insert the turkey, and reignite the burner.

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6. Watch the turkey fry.

It will take around three to four minutes per pound to cook. If you have a chance, have Tucker Carlson inspect  your work.

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7. Inject the turkey with deliciousness.

We simply used melted butter, but there are a lot of recipes online for turkey marinades. You should inject the breasts and thighs every five to 10 minutes while frying. Syringes usually come with the frying kit, but if you don’t have one, they are easy to find at home goods stores.

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8. Remove the turkey.

Check the temperature with a meat thermometer to make sure it’s fully cooked. Once you remove the turkey, you should let it rest for 10 to 15 minutes before serving.

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9. Use the hot oil to fry up some other delicious treats.

We made chicken wings and fries, but you could do vegetables, fried Oreos, mozzarella sticks, squirrels, etc…

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10. Dispose of your oil.

Your local Mercedes 300D driver likely makes biodiesel in his garage or basement, but if one of those nerds is not around, most restaurants have oil disposal tanks. You can also put the oil back in its original container and throw it out with your normal garbage. Do not pour it down a drain.