The Daily Caller

The Daily Caller
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EXPLAINER: The definitive guide to all of the sexual bases

Everyone has a different definition of The Bases — as in, the sexual bases. The baseball-as-sex metaphor means different things to different people around the world, but as always, we’re here to help decode the really important sexual metaphors of our time.

After surveying some random people in The Daily Caller offices for their definitions, here is the definitive guide to what all of the sexual bases mean.

FIRST BASE

The only base that everyone agrees on is first base. First base equals kissing or making out, but if anyone’s hands move down south, you’re starting to get dangerously close to second base.

ROUNDING FIRST

Rounding first means that you went straight from kissing to some boob and butt-grabbing all in the same night. If a guy tries this move on the first date, he may not be someone you take home to mama.

SECOND BASE

There is much debate on what second base consists of. Some say that it means heavy petting, others think it means manual — um — stimulation. But since nobody over the age of 17 gives lotionless handies in a movie theater, others say that second base consists of oral activities.

STEALING SECOND

A dude must have serious cojones to try this out early in the relationship, but, hey this is 2013 and there are no more gentlemen left in the world. Since we had some trouble agreeing on what second base means, stealing second means that you went straight from kissing and under-the-shirt action right to oral activities. This also probably means that you went to a progressive private school in New York City.

THIRD BASE

Mouth stuff.

HOME BASE

Once you’ve made it home, you’re in. Literally.

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