The Daily Caller

The Daily Caller
              Actress Jennifer Lawrence attends a special screening of "The Hunger Games: Catching Fire" at AMC Lincoln Square on Wednesday, Nov. 20, 2013, in New York. (Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP)
              Actress Jennifer Lawrence attends a special screening of "The Hunger Games: Catching Fire" at AMC Lincoln Square on Wednesday, Nov. 20, 2013, in New York. (Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP)   

“Throw me the Midol, I throw you the whip!”

If you’re like me, you can’t wait to see more Indiana Jones movies. He’s super-old now! I think it’s great to provide a role model for older folks who wander around trying to open things they’re not supposed to, while seeing snakes everywhere and being followed by people in uniforms.

But some fans think the franchise needs some new blood. Kevin P. Sullivan of MTV News has an interesting casting idea for future installments:

When Disney announced on Friday that they had secured the distribution and marketing rights for the “Indiana Jones” series from Paramount, clearing the way for new installments, many speculated on the form these sequels might take. Some rumors claimed a fifth “Indy” movie may be integral in Harrison Ford’s negotiations with Disney so that he could appear in “Star Wars: Episode VII,” suggesting that we could see at least one more movie with the 71-year-old star cracking the whip…

Assuming Ford has one more film in him as the famed archeologist, someone else has to carry on after him…

If Indiana Jones is no longer a white man, that opens up the list of replacements in a huge way, and it allows some of the more surprising but smart suggestions to become a reality…

But combing through the current roster of young stars that could carry both a beloved franchise and the weight of the roguish leading role, there aren’t many better options than Jennifer Lawrence.

Hey, I’d watch that movie. Why not make it a girl? Woman, whatever. Fine by me, as long as they keep Shia away from the set.

They could even do some fan service. Y’know, tweak some classic lines to appeal to broads:

“We named the cat Indiana!”

“That belongs in a Bloomingdale’s!” “So do you!”

“Mice. Why’d it have to be mice?”

Etc.

So, if the ladies get a female Indiana Jones, the dudes get a male Lara Croft, right? (Larry Croft?) Admit it, you wouldn’t mind seeing Channing Tatum in those shorts. Am I right, fellas?

Or, here’s another idea. And I’m only throwing this out because I’m a misogynist pig who’s waging a #WarOnWomen and so forth:

Instead of insisting that classic characters like Indiana Jones and the Doctor (Who?) need to be transformed into women, how about creating new action-adventure characters who don’t happen to have a penis or testicles? Just go ahead and save a step.

It can happen. Salt was surprisingly good. Haywire was fantastic. (I heard Laura San Giacomo dubbed in all the dialogue, but Gina Carano kicked everybody’s ass.) Going back, you’ve got Cleopatra Jones, most of Michelle Yeoh’s movies (and other female Asian action stars), Kathy Bates in Misery

I might’ve gotten one of those wrong. Anyway, I’m sure there are many more examples. The point is, if you want more action heroines on the big screen… create some!

Suzanne Collins did. I heard she made out pretty well on the deal.