Samsung really wants you to buy their new touch-screen watch — but not badly enough to produce a compelling ad, apparently.
The company has released a two-and-a-half minute clip demoing not only the Galaxy Gear smartwatch, but some of the worst acting you’ll ever see.
The spot involves three actors: a bumbling cell-phone guy (who carries one of THOSE?), a way-too-easy-to-impress blonde chick, and an unbelievably creepy dude wearing the Galaxy Gear.
And we’re not talking run-of-the-mill, “let me check what time it is on my smartwatch, ladies” creepy. This homey is full-on subway leering, taking up-skirt shots with his wrist camera creepy.
The commercial starts with Bumbly, Blondie and Creepy riding up a ski lift. Creepy’s wrist buzzes, and he takes the call — on speaker, of course.
“Yeah, how’s it going over there?” asks an overeager, three-line voice actor. “It’s incredible,” Creepy replies. “Oh, I’m so jealous! Have fun!” voice actor yells.
Despite the brevity of the call, Creepy executes two sideways, “you know I’m talking to a computer on my wrist, right?” glances at Blondie, whose script clearly tells her to look intrigued.
Sensing his chance, Creepy moves in for the kill quickly.
“Here, give me your number,” Creepy commands. “Just say it,” he coaxes.
And, of course, she complies.
While she’s coughing up her digits, Bumbly — yes, he’s still there — attempts to sneak the number into his own cell phone, only to drop it off the ski lift. (Haha! What a LOSER! If only he had a Galaxy Gear!)
Next up, Creepy follows Blondie down the bunny slopes, taking pictures of her from all angles instead of worrying about his own snowboarding technique. (He doesn’t even have to try! ‘Cause Samsung!)
“Oh, hey Jack!” Blondie says to Creepy at the bottom of the hill, as if she didn’t see the guy consuming her soul the whole time with his camera-watch.
“Check this out,” he exclaims proudly, only showing her the photos that include her face.
And thank goodness he has those photos, because now he has something to watch while he’s at the club in the next scene. (Who needs dancing when you have the Galaxy Gear?)
“Hey! Jack,” says Blondie as Creepy “accidentally” bumps into her while staring at her photos from earlier. “Whoa! Amy!” Jack replies, feigning surprise after obviously following her to the club.
Blondie, of course, drops her phone, and Creepy’s watch is able to locate it on the floor right next to them. (WHOA! Technology!) “Wow!” Blondie actually says.
Creepy goes off to fetch some wine.
Bumbly’s also in the house, watching this all go down, but his old-ass cell phone is just too much to hold onto — so he drops a glass of wine on the floor. (What a klutz!)
Boom! Blondie and Creepy end up outside on the roof deck.
“Thought you’d like this Napa red,” Creepy says in a way that someone who doesn’t understand wine at all would say. “Best of its year,” he makes up.
“Wow! Impressive,” a thrilled Blondie replies, before Creepy loads up some sweet tunes on his smartwatch.
“Today was perfect, Jack,” Blondie insists, against all logic, before leaning into Creepy’s chest. (JACKPOT!)
Creepy stares right at the viewers and flashes that incredible smartwatch one more time.
“ARE YOU GEARED UP!?” an announcer blasts in to finish the spot.
Uh…
WATCH: