The Daily Caller

The Daily Caller

HAPPY 50TH BIRTHDAY, FIRST LADY MICHELLE OBAMA!!!

I’M SORRY ABOUT THE YELLING BUT I’M JUST SO EXCITED YOU GUYS!!!!!

You might not know how to celebrate the second most important day of the year (no worries, Barry), but thank goodness the intrepid newsies at ABC have given us this handy guide: “50 Ways to Celebrate Michelle Obama’s Birthday.”

Here are just the first 10!

  1. Dance to Beyonce
  2. Eat your vegetables
  3. Move into a massive new house with your family and invite your mother to move in too
  4. Work out yours (sic) arms
  5. Make the cover of Vogue
  6. Call the president, (sic) “Barack”
  7. Plant a garden
  8. Buy a Jason Wu dress
  9. Drink lots of water
  10. Get bangs

There are 40 more great tips just like that.

I don’t know which one to do first! So I’m multitasking: I just chugged a whole gallon of water and chowed down on a pound of baby carrots, and I think my grip on this toilet rim counts as working out my arms. Oh, and the president is named Barack. I just called him that. Well, I made a sound that was very similar to that.

W00T!

I’m glad ABC gave us this handy guide to celebrating the First Lady’s birthday. Just like they’ve done for all the other First Ladies in the past, and like they’ll no doubt continue to do in the future. That’s what news is all about!