The Daily Caller

The Daily Caller

President Smokestack McPuffsalot praises CVS for dropping tobacco products

Obama used to smoke. He still does, but he used to, too.

Tobacco, that is. That we know about. He admits it. It’s no secret. It’s his choice.

He’s also a lying, hypocritical busybody who can’t keep his nicotine-stained olfactory passages out of a single minute of your daily life. NYDN:

CVS Caremark is kicking the habit of selling tobacco products at its more than 7,600 drugstores nationwide.

The nation’s second-largest drugstore chain says it will phase out cigarettes, cigars and chewing tobacco by Oct. 1 as it continues to focus more on health care…

President Obama, who previously admitted to smoking before he moved into the White House, praised the company’s decision.

“As one of the largest retailers and pharmacies in America, CVS Caremark sets a powerful example, and today’s decision will help advance my administration’s efforts to reduce tobacco-related deaths, cancer, and heart disease, as well as bring down health care costs – ultimately saving lives and protecting untold numbers of families from pain and heartbreak for years to come,” the President said in a statement.

He then took a long, relaxing drag on a cigarette*, which he no longer needs to worry about buying himself at CVS or anywhere else, because his every whim is now fulfilled with a snap of his fingers.

CVS has every right to stop selling tobacco. And Americans have every right to go spend their money somewhere else. That’s how it works here.

For now.

*I’d name a brand, but no matter which one I picked, it’d be racist. But then, this post itself is racist. This site is racist. The Internet is racist. You’re all racists. Well, most of you.

(Thanks to the late, great Mitch Hedberg for that opening joke.)

Update: In related news, community organizers chase Trader Joe’s out of… PORTLAND???