The Daily Caller

The Daily Caller

Now, where was I?

Oh, that’s right. I was in Washington, DC. How the hell did that happen?

Now I’m back home again in Indiana, or Iowa, or whichever one this is. One of the boring ones in the middle, I think? Nowhere near an ocean, and therefore unimportant. Fine by me.

Although, come on, what’s up with all those square ones? Did somebody just take a U.S. map and cut it like a pan of brownies? Are there any triangular states? If not, why not?

I used to play triangle in marching band, but I got kicked out because they just couldn’t handle my awesome solos.

As you may be able to tell already, I’m currently recovering from the effects of long-term sleep deprivation, as well as from spending a half-decade or so in the worst place on Earth. Wait, no, the second-worst place. (Sorry I forgot you, Wherever Piers Morgan Happens to Be Right This Second.)

Well, the cable guy left about 20 minutes ago, so I can finally post something from my new apartment, and this is it. Did you like it?

Too bad.

P.S. Special thanks to Bob and Terry Medlock, a very nice couple who won second prize in our “Move Treacher’s Crippled Ass Halfway Across the Country” contest. First prize was won by the rest of you, who were required to do nothing.