Ha ha ha, isn’t it funny how stupid you are, according to the First Lady of the United States?
Here she is, lying to Jimmy Fallon about
the Affordable Care Act Obamacare:
“A lot of young people think they’re invincible. But the truth is, young people are knuckleheads, you know? They’re the ones who are cooking for the first time and slice their finger open. They’re dancing on the bar stool.”
I never danced on a bar stool when I was young(er), but I did slice my finger pretty badly once. Obama wasn’t president yet, though, so I almost died. I just walked around with a bleeding finger until I got lightheaded and collapsed. They were actually lowering me into the ground when I woke up and started banging on the coffin lid. Whew, that was a close one!
Oh, wait, no. I remember now: I put pressure on it and cleaned out the wound and bandaged it and it hurt for a while but it healed up and I was fine. If it had been a deeper cut, I would’ve gone to the emergency room, I guess.
How the hell did I survive before Obama descended from the heavens to save us all?
You’re too stupid to take care of yourselves, young Americans. You need to be coddled until you’re at least 26, and that might still be too young. You need brosurance. You need more and bigger government. And most importantly, you knuckleheads, you need to shut up about it.
Some people want to be taken care of their whole lives. We call those people “Europeans.” They’re the ones our forefathers came here to escape. The forefathers whose memories we’re disgracing, every minute of every day for the past 5 years.
If you’re reading this, I assume you can take care of yourself without Michelle Obama’s help. How do you feel about being called stupid? Does it make you appreciate Obamacare more, or less?
Feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments. I’ll listen, even if Obama and his surrogates won’t.
(Hat tip: Jamie Weinstein)
P.S. Why is Jimmy Fallon hosting The Tonight Show? At least they waited until after Carson died. Sorry about all this, Johnny.
Would Johnny Carson have helped the President of the United States lie to America about a major policy issue? Any thoughts, @JimmyFallon?
— Jim Treacher (@jtLOL) February 21, 2014