Two-year-old girl suspended from preschool over STEALTH CHEESE SANDWICH

Times are dark for lovers of freedom and common sense across the country. But take heart, America: At least none of us suffers under the strange, goofy tyranny that is Canada.

The latest exhibit example of bizarro totalitarianism comes from the Ottawa suburb of Barrhaven, reports the Ottawa Sun.

Last week, a daycare called Centre de l’enfant aux 4 Vente suspended two-year-old Faith Murray for three days because she snuck a processed cheese sandwich a few feet onto the premises.

“Faith must have snuck a cheese sandwich into her pocket, into her hand, and nobody saw it, and went into the classroom,” the girl’s father, Randy Murray, said, according to Detroit NBC affiliate WDIV. “And by the time she was two steps in, one of the teachers had saw it, handed it back to me, and the next thing I know, we’re told we’re suspended for three days.”

The sandwich was sealed in a ziplock bag. However, the daycare has a zero-tolerance policy absolutely prohibiting food from the outside world.

About 150 children attend the school. They range in age from 18 months to 12 years. Some of them have food allergies, and some of those allergies are very serious, school officials claim.

Deb Ducharme told the Sun that the school had reminded parents of the draconian food policy – in English and French – as recently as January.

“We need to ensure their well-being and safety,” she added. “Most parents are comfortable with our rules because it creates a safe environment for their children.”

Murray, 32, isn’t happy. He said he is thinking about pulling his two-year-old daughter as well as another child out of the severe daycare.

“They freaked out,” he told the Sun. “If I got a warning, I’d admit my mistake and move on. But it seems they want to penalize the parents. There’s no logic to it.”

Canada has a rich history of hilariously insane overreactions to things little kids do. In November, for example, an elementary school in the wussified country instituted a policy outlawing all touching of any kind between kindergarteners during recess over injury fears. (RELATED: Canadian elementary school outlaws all touching on playground for kindergarteners)

Officials at Coghlan Fundamental Elementary School in the suburbs of Vancouver were worried because a few kids had gotten hurt on the playground recently.

“Consequently, we have unfortunately had to ban all forms of hands-on play for the immediate future,” read a letter addressed to “all kindergarten families.” “This includes tag, holding hands, and any and all imaginary fighting games.”

Star Wars battle scene reenactments were an especially big problem, the missive lamented.

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