In a bold push into the frontiers of online journalism, The Huffington Post had a long, serious discussion this week with female sex columnists at two high-priced universities about the words they use to describe their sex organs while sexting.
The columnists and the HuffPo’s intrepid hostess expressed frustration about the words available for their fibromuscular elastic tubular tracts.
“There’s really no comfortable word for vagina to be used in sexting,” observed Julia Reinstein, a self-proclaimed sex columnist at American University in Washington, D.C. (annual cost of attendance: $56,808).
“What also really grinds my gears,” Reinstein said, “the word ‘pussy.’ I never want any part of me to be called that.”
The HuffPo hostess added: “The word moist—nobody likes that word.”
Laken Howard, a self-proclaimed sex columnist at Northwestern University (annual cost of attendance: $63,228), said she has no problem with the p-word per se.
“It depends on my mood or how into it I am,” Howard elaborated.
At the same time, the Northwestern student agreed that she doesn’t want to see the word in any sexting conversations.
“As far as sexting goes, I would say that’s more on the no-thank-you side,” she said. “I kind of never feel comfortable describing my own vagina in, like, a sexy way.”
At that point, the HuffPo host again interjected—this time to proclaim that “we need to have these conversations because there’s a zillion ways to refer to a penis” but, she complained, no sexy way to describe vaginas.
Naturally, the hostess did not blame this lack of vocabulary on her own creative limitations. Instead, she blamed a culture of sexism “where we are given cutesy names for it or told not to talk about it at all.”
Reinstein agreed that culture is totally at fault for her inability to think up awesome sexting words for vaginas.
“I think the only reason we don’t think ‘vagina’ is a sexy word is because we’ve been taught that ‘vagina’ isn’t a sexy word,” Reinstein added.
The American University student then suggested that perhaps the thing to do is “to reclaim the word vagina.”
In another part of the conversation, Howard firmly scolded aggressive language in sexting. For example, the word “pound” is a big turn-off to her.
Even worse, though, is bad grammar. “You have to woo all of me, and all of me includes really good grammar,” Howard insisted.